Season Jokes / Recent Jokes

Conduct During the Holiday Season...Running aluminum foil through a paper shredder at Kinko's to make tinsel is discouraged.Playing Jingle Bells on a neighbor's push-button phone during a party is forbidden.(It runs up an incredible long distance bill.)Rental cars are not to be used to go "over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house."Endlessly singing "Frosty, the Snowman" under your breath at the mall will result in "no presents" this year.All fruitcake is to be eaten before July 25, 2001.Laced Eggnog will not be secreted in Pepsi cans.Letting Grampa play "Santa" in long underwear dyed red is discouraged.Several children are still in therapy as a result of last year's "incident" when Flopsy, Mopsy and Peter Cottontail made an unexpected "appearance."

Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter. Log Off: Don't add no wood. Monitor: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove. Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup. Mega Hertz: When yer not careful down loadin'. Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood. Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood. Hard Drive: Getting' home in the winter season. Prompt: What you wish the mail was in the winter. Windows: What to shut when it's below 15 below. Screen: What' cha need for the black fly season. Byte: That's what the flies do. Chip: What to munch on. Micro Chip: What's left in the bottom of the bag. Infrared: Where the left-overs go when Fred's around. Modem: What' cha did to the hay fields. Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's wife. Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy. Keyboard: Where ya hang your keys. Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils. Mouse: Whats eats the horses grain. Main Frame: Hold up the barn roof. Port: Fancy wine. Enter: C'mon in. Random Access Memory: You can't remember more...

Sarah was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There''s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."

"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.

Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"

"Absolutely not," he said.

"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not." "Season''s more than half over," he said.

A trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees a truck stop on the side of the road, so he decides to pull over. On approaching the door he reads a sign: "NO NERDS". He shrugs it off and enters. He is greeted by the end of a shotgun barrel in his face. "Are you a nerd?" the bartender asks. "No, I'm a truck driver", he replies. He's allowed to come in, so he orders a cup of coffee, sits at the bar and drinks it.
While he drinks his coffee, a man walks in wearing his pants up to his chest, a plaid shirt, pocket protector and thick-framed glasses. The bartender pulls out his shotgun and blows him away. "What the hell did you do that for!?" Asks the trucker. "Well," the bartender answers, "it's nerd season". "Nerd season?" asks the trucker, confused. "Yeah. See, the nerd population in this town is getting out of hand, so we've opened up nerd more...

Conduct During the Holiday Season... Running aluminum foil through a paper shredder at Kinko's to make tinsel is discouraged. Playing Jingle Bells on a neighbor's push-button phone during a party is forbidden.(It runs up an incredible long distance bill.)Rental cars are not to be used to go "over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house." Endlessly singing "Frosty, the Snowman" under your breath at the mall will result in "no presents" this year. All fruitcake is to be eaten before July 25, 2001. Laced Eggnog will not be secreted in Pepsi cans. Letting Grampa play "Santa" in long underwear dyed red is discouraged. Several children are still in therapy as a result of last year's "incident" when Flopsy, Mopsy and Peter Cottontail made an unexpected "appearance."

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for
a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying:
"NERDS NOT ALLOWED-ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!"
He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says
he smells kind of nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck
driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers
he is hauling. The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds, and
serves him a beer.
As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his
glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and
a
belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word,
pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away.
The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to
worry, the nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley, and are in
season now. You don't even more...

Redneck computer terms

Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.

Log Off: Don't add no wood.

Monitor: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.

Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.

Mega Hertz: When yer not careful down loadin'.

Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.

Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.

Hard Drive: Getting' home in the winter season.

Prompt: What you wish the mail was in the winter.

Windows: What to shut when it's below 15 below.

Screen: What' cha need for the black fly season.

Byte: That's what the flies do.

Chip: What to munch on.

Micro Chip: What's left in the bottom of the bag.

Infrared: Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.

Modem: What' cha did to the hay fields.

Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's wife.

Lap Top: Where little kids feel more...