Second Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.' Why, of course,' comes the reply. The first man then asks,' Where are you from?'' I'm from Ireland,' replies the second man. The first man responds by saying,' You don't say. I'm from Ireland too. Let's have another round to Ireland.'' Of course,' replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks,' Where in Ireland are you from?'' Dublin,' comes the reply.' I can't believe it,' says the first man,' I'm from Dublin too. Let's have another drink to Dublin.'' Of course,' replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks,' What school did you go to?'' St Mary's,' replies the second man,' I graduated in 1962.'' This is unbelievable,' the first man says.' I went to St Mary's and I graduated in 1962 too.' About that time, one of the regulars comes in and sits down at the bar.' What's been going on?' he asks the barman.' Nothing much,' replies the barman.' The O'Malley twins more...

One fall day Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. "My wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry," said Dave. "What happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died." Dave then asked who was in the second hearse. The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well." "Can I borrow your dog?" "Get in line." replied the man.

There once was a lawyer who was so fanatical about his golf game that he used to play every day without fail. One morning he had played the first hole and was just about to tee off on the second, when he saw the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen putting on the first.
The lawyer waited until the woman had reached the second tee and asked if she would like to join him and they could finish the round together. To his surprise the woman agreed and they played the remaining holes. Not only was this woman beautiful, she was also a good golfer.
When they completed their round, the lawyer told the woman that, not only was he a lawyer, but he was also a cordon bleu chef and wine buff. He invited her back to his place for a meal and a few drinks. The woman accepted enthusiastically and off they went. Back at the house the lawyer cooked a magnificent meal. In fact it was more than just cooking it was a performance to behold. They enjoyed good food, good wine and good more...

Two women, who are dog owners, are arguing which dog is smarter. First woman: My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me. Second woman: I know. First one: How? Second one: My dog told me.

One fall day, Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse
going down the street, followed by another hearse, followed by a
man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200
men walking in single file.
Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse and
asked who was in the first one. "My wife," the man replied.
"I'm sorry," said Dave. "What happened to her?"
"My dog bit her and she died."
Dave was taken aback. "And who's in the second hearse?"
"My mother-in-law. My dog bit her too and she died as well."
Dave asked, "Can I borrow your dog?"
"Get in line."

Arriving in HeavenThree men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter. St. Peter: Hi, what's your name? Paul: My name is Paul. St. Peter: Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning? Paul: 120K. St. Peter: Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money? Paul: I was a lawyer. St. Peter: That's great. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what's your name? Roger: My name is Roger. St. Peter: Hi, Roger. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning? Roger: 60K. St. Peter: Hey, that's great! Tell me, Roger:, what did you do for a living? Roger: I was an accountant. St. Peter: That's very good. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what's your name? John: My name is John. St. Peter: Hi, John. Tell me, John, how much were you earning when you died? John: About $23, 000. St. Peter: Hey, that's fantastic, John! Tell me, what instrument did you play?

rats have more bones than men
parrot can see backwards without turning its head
HUMMING BIRD - (RUBY-THROATED)
MASS: About 3-4g (a nickel weighs about 5g).
LENGTH: About 8.5cm (3.5") from tip of bill to tip of tail
WING BEATS: About 60-80 times per second in normal flight, up to 200 times per second in courtship dives
SPEED: Normal flight about 25mph; up to 65kph (40mph) in a courtship dive
HEARTBEATS: About 250 times per minute while at rest, about 1,220 per minute while flying
BREATHING: About 250 breaths per minute while at rest
BODY TEMPERATURE: 40.5 degrees C (105-108 degrees F)
FEATHERS: A typical Hum-bird has 940 feathers.
FEED RATE: Eats about its weight in nectar or sugar water each day.
AVERAGE AGE: Most hummingbirds die within their first year; those that don't
probably live an average of 3 years or so