Secret Jokes / Recent Jokes
The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret and he tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional.
She says, "Father, I never wear panties under my habit."
The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers and do six cartwheels (front rolls) on your way to the altar.
The President and Mrs. Clinton are in the front row at a Yankee's game. The row behind them is filed with Secret Service agents. One of them leans over and wispers something into the Presidents's ear.
Mr. Clinton pauses then grabs Hilary by the scuff of the neck and heaves her over the railing! She falls 10 feet to the dugout, kicking and screaming obcenities.
The President shakes hands with those near him, getting "high fives". The Secret Service Agent leans over again and whispers, " Mr. President, I said, - "They want you to throw out the "FIRST PITCH!"
Moskowitz had bought a parrot and one morning found the bird at the eastern side of the cage, with a small prayer shawl over its head, rocking to and fro, and mumbling. Bending low to listen, Moskowitz was thunderstruck to discover the parrot was intoning prayers in the finest Hebrew.
"You're Jewish?" asked Moskowitz.
"Not only Jewish," said the parrot, "but Orthodox. So will you take me to the synagog on Rosh Hashonah?"
Rosh Hashonah, the Jewish New Year, was indeed only 2 days away, and it would as always usher in the high-holiday season which would end with Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, ten days later. Moskowitz said "Of course I'll take you, but can I tell my friends about you? This isn't a secret is it?"
"No secret at all. Tell anyone you want to." And the parrot returned to his praying.
Moskowitz went to all his friends to tell them about his Jewish parrot. Of course no one believed him, and in no time at more...
The Island of Copper Sand is a great country. It once had a government so loved by
people, that it governed the country for 17 years until the society became a
Dharmista Samajaya (a just society).
The Minister for Land, Land Development and Great-Sand was a very honest person
named "Village-Leader District-Leader". These Copper-Sandinians used to have
very peculiar names such as "Vitory-Improver", "Love-Slave", "Treasury-Leader",
"Inner-Muddlier" etc. etc.
Once a minister from an African country paid an official visit to Cooper Sand. This
minister, being the minister for Construction and Land Development in his country
was very much interested in visiting the Great-Sand Project that consisted of
several vast dams in various places of the island. The funds for those gigantic
projects were provided by the Bank de Globe.
So, obviously the Copper Sand counterpart, more...
The police recently busted a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.
He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983....
Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm. Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President`s staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man`s tractor."Sir," the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath."Did you see this terrible accident happen?""Yep. Sure did." The man muttered unconcernedly."Do you realize that is the President of the United States airplane?""Yep.""Were there any survivors?" the agent gasped."Nope. They`s all kilt straight out." The farmer sighed cutting off his tractor motor. more...
A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her Grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl.
The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl became frantic.
Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously," What are you lining up for dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl said that some people were giving out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
"Mmmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma, "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But, you're so old, how do more...