Senator Jokes / Recent Jokes

Senator John Kerry, recovering from prostate surgery, was told it would be six weeks before he could be sexually active.
John Edwards called to wish Kerry well.
Al Sharpton called Kerry to offer prayers.
Howard Dean called with encouragement on recovery.
Bill Clinton called Teresa.

"Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York. When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible. You know, the one with only seven commandments."
- David Letterman

1. Why are mosses so grouchy when they all lie on the same plane?
I guess they just like to Complanate.
2. How do botanists send mail?
Through the compost office.
3. Why did the plant eat meat?
It was coniferous.
4. How do relatives of weasels pollinate a plant?
They make it Ferretile.
5. The botanist was eaten by a cul-lion.
6. What do botanists run up to get excercise?
Hilum.
7. Which botanist is a Senator?
Senator Hilum Clinton.
8. Is a botanist from down South a Hilum Billy??
9. What part of a flower is in a car?
A Calyx converter.
10. What does a botanist studying jagged margins shoot from her bow?
Erose.

A powerful senator dies after a prolonged illness. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the senator."Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven." "I'm sorry but we have our rules," replies St. Peter.And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. Nearby are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is in evening attire and very happy to see him. They run to more...

We now live in a country where we have no President but we do have...
a dead Senator from Missouri going to Congress.
a fake President played on TV by Martin Sheen.
a new Senator from New York who used to be the wife of the boss of the man who may be President.
a Governor from Florida who is the brother of the man who may be President and son of a man who was.
a sitting President whose wife now will be hanging around the same men who voted to remove him from office.
a senior Senator from South Carolina who, under our current Constitution rules, could be appointed to be President in this standoff despite the fact that he is 98.
a potential Vice President who, because he did not take his name off the Connecticut Senate race, could end up being the deciding factor in how the Senate is composed.
And finally...
A state where a Republican Secretary of State and a Democratic Attorney General try to determine the outcome of 25 electoral votes without more...