Serious Jokes / Recent Jokes
GENERAL MOTORS INTRODUCES NEW INSTANT-WIN AIRBAGS DETROIT-- With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market down 11 percent since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win airbag contest Monday. The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in all of the company`s 1997 cars. "Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 1997 sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Or a year`s worth of free Mobil gasoline." Though it does not officially begin until Jan. 1, 1997, the airbag promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback overwhelmingly positive. "As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to myself, `Oh, boy, more...
A man walks into his doctor and says "Doctor, doctor i have a bit of an embarrising problem."
The doctor replies, "Okay, lets see it."
The man pulls down his pants and bends over to reveal a lettuce leaf growing out his backside.
The man asks "Do you think it's serious?"
The doctor replies, "To tell you the truth it looks like just the tip of the iceberg."
A man walks into his doctor and says "Doctor, doctor i have a bit of an embarrising problem."
The doctor replies, "Okay, lets see it."
The man pulls down his pants and bends over to reveal a lettuce leaf growing out his backside.
The man asks "Do you think it's serious?"
The doctor replies, "To tell you the truth it looks like just the tip of the iceberg."
A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am," the Sergeant Major said, "Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the more...
Alp - One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European skier on a U.S. mountain. An appropriate reply: "What Zermatter?"
Avalanche - One of the few actual perils skiers face that needlessly frighten timid individuals away from the sport. See also: Blizzard, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse.
Bindings - Automatic mechanisms that protect skiers from potentially serious injury during a fall by releasing skis from boots, sending the skis skittering across the slope where they trip two other skiers, and so on and on, eventually causing the entire slope to be protected from serious injury.
Bones - There are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however: There are two bones of the middle ear that have never been broken in a skiing accident.
Cross-Country Skiing - Traditional Scandinavian all-terrain snow-travelling technique. It's good exercise. It doesn't require the purchase of costly lift more...
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear perfectly again. The elderly gentleman returned to the doctor`s in a month for a final check on the new equipment. After some tests, the doctor proclaimed, "Your hearing is perfect!" "Thank you for helping me," replied the elderly man. "You`re welcome," said the doctor. "Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." "Oh, I haven`t told them yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations I used to miss," replied the elderly gentleman. "Really?" questioned the doctor. You must still be marveling at being able to hear again and just not ready to believe it yourself. That must be why you haven`t told them." "Well, no that`s not it exactly, but I have changed my will three times!"
There is one Very Serious Law Firm.
All staff comes to work at 6am and leaves around 11pm.
Suddenly, one guy started his day at 9am.
All the guys exchanged "looks".
And he left at 6pm.
All the guys exchanged "looks".
Next day is the same story.
And the day after is the same story.
Finally, they come to this rebel to explain the rules.
He listened, kept quiet for a while and said: "Excuse me guys, I am on vacation¦"