Sheriff Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day a limo was driving the pope from New Orleans to Houston. Just before they got to Lafayette, Louisiana the pope asked the limo driver if he could drive the limosine. The limo driver did not want to upset the pope so he allowed him to drive. It wasnt seconds after the pope got behind the wheel that he was exceeding the speed limit by forty miles an hour. Soon after a deputy stoped the limo and went up to the driver side window. "sir i will be just a minute" the deputy replied. When the deputy got back to his squad car he called the sheriff on the radio. Yes sir sheriff we got a situation out here about ten miles oustide lafayette. "Whats the problem? I just stoped a limo doing one hundred miles an hour in a 60 mile an hour zone and dont know what to do. Give that sum bitch a ticket the sheriff replied. I dont know if I can give him a ticket said the deputy, this man is important people. The sheriff asked the deputy is he more important than me? The deputy replied more...

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
"What two days of the week start with the letter' T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant.
"It went great! First more...

The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the Cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.
"Howdy, stranger..."
"Howdy, Sheriff..." The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk, and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon.
"Hold on, Mister..."
"Sheriff?"
"Did I just see what I think I just saw?"
"Reckon you did, Sheriff...I got me some powerful chapped lips..."
"And that cures them?"
"Nope, but it sure keeps me from lickin' em.

The man who was about to die said to the Sheriff, "Say, do I really have to die swinging from a tree?"
"Of Course not," replied the Sheriff.
"We just put the rope round your neck and kick the horse away. After that it's up to you."

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when the bus suddenly ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's field. The old farmer heard the tragic crash so he rushed over to investigate. He then began digging a large grave to bury the politicians.A few hours later, the local sheriff was driving past the farmer's field and noticed the bus wreck. He approached the old farmer and asked where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer explained that he'd gone ahead and buried all of them. "Were they ALL dead?" asked the puzzled sheriff. "Well, some of them said they weren't," said the old farmer, "but you know how them politicians lie."

'Twas the Night After Christmas
by Jeff Foxworthy
' Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer,
the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler.
The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys,
and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy.
The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife,
the worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives.
My wife couldn't argue and neither could I,
so I watched TV and my wife, she just cried.
When out in the yard the dog started barkin',
I stood up and looked and I saw Sheriff Larkin.
He yelled, "Roy I am sworn to uphold the laws
and I got a complaint here from a feller named Claus."
I said, "Claus, I don't know nobody named Claus,
and you ain't taking me in without probable cause."
Then the Sheriff he said, "The man was shot at last night."
I said, "That might have been me, just what's he look like?"
The more...

A man who was about to be hanged asked the sheriff, "sir, do i really have to die swinging from a tree?" "of course not,"
Replied the sheriff. "we just put the rope round your neck and kick the horse away. After that it's up to you."