Sheriff Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Origin of ChapstickThe old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the Cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff." Howdy, stranger...""Howdy, Sheriff..."The cowboy then moved slowly to then back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk, and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon." Hold on, Mister...""Sheriff?" "Did I just see what I think I just saw?" "Reckon you did, Sheriff... I got me some powerful chapped lips...""And that cures them?" "Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' em!

- If you have cleared the entire house (or apartment), encountered no resistance and have not cussed out once, you hit the wrong house.
- The newly elected Sheriff is not the one you voted for, and he knows it!
- Court will be scheduled in the middle of your days off.
- Hot calls will only come over the air 10 minutes before the end of your shift.
- You will never get the urge to use the bathroom until you have left the station.
- Surprise inspections will only occur after you have been in a foot pursuit through mud.
- The Mayor will get a traffic ticket the day before your department negotiates for a salary increase.
- The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Also the harder they punch, kick and choke.
- Never search a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is "Boom-Boom".
- If you park your patrol car in the exact center of the Gobi desert, within 5 minutes someone will pull up and ask for direction.
- To err is human, more...

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out.
She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says,
"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replies as she thinks to herself,' Is this guy blind, or what?'
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"But, Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that I will charge you with rape," snaps the irate woman.
"I didn't even touch you," grouses the more...

One day the sheriff sees Billy Bob walking around town with nothing on except his boots. The sheriff asks, "Billy Bob, what the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like that?"

Billy Bob replies, "Well Sheriff, me and Mary Lou was down on the farm and we started a-cuddlin'. Mary Lou said we should go in the barn and we did. Inside the barn we started a-kissing and a-cuddlin' and things got pretty hot and heavy. Well then Mary Lou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same."

"Well, I took off all my clothes except my boots. Then Mary Lou lay herself on the hay and said' Okay Billy Bob, let's go to town!'"

"I guess I'm the first one here."

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road, and crashed into a tree in an old farmer''s field. The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole to bury the politicians. A few days later the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer said he had buried them. The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren''t, but you know how them politicians lie."

A U.S. sheriff opened an investigation Wednesday into the death of a 28-year-old woman who died after taking part in a California radio contest in which contestants had to drink as much water as possible.
Sacramento station KDND-FM has fired 10 staff members over Friday's competition, called "Hold your wee for a Wii," in which about 20 people tried to out-drink each other without going to the toilet to win a Nintendo Wii games console. The station has announced cancellations of their upcoming "Lock yourself in a box for an Xbox", "Overdose on PCP for a PSP" and "Get Kicked in the Balls for an Etch-a-Sketch" competitions.

It was early one morning when the Pastor heard a noise outside
his door. When he opened it, he found a donkey standing outside,
which immediately fell over dead. Not exactly knowing what to do
about the situation, he called the local sheriff and told him about
the jackass laying before him.

The sheriff couldn't resist jabbing at the Minister and said, "Pastor, I thought the first duty of the Minister was to bury the dead."

Without hesitation, the Pastor said, "No the first duty of the Minister is to notify the next of kin."