Shooting Jokes / Recent Jokes

1) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices, which have large red read-outs to tell you exactly when it will go off. 2) Should you need to pass yourself off as a German officer it will not be necessary to speak the language, a convincing accent will do. 3) All apartments in Paris overlook the Eiffel tower. 4) Most lap top computers are powerful enough to override a bank security system or the communication system of an invading alien civilization. 5) Every single person in martial arts Film has a black belt in karate. 6) When staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear. 7) 1 man shooting at 20 men has more chance of hitting them than 20 men shooting at 1 man if he is the hero. 8) During a police investigation it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once. 9) Large studio-type apartments in big cities are affordable by single people with a low wage. 10) The entire British population lives in London. more...

1) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds.

2) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

3) Nothing is too tight for Madhuri.

4) The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice versa) unless they first perform a dance number in the rain.

5) Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other situation.

6) Village girls who live among cows and sheep have perfect skin and teeth.

7) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero, but he will never be hit, unless of course he is attempting to save the chick.

8) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero with machine guns, yet they will always miss. Every shot the hero takes from his small revolver will knock down at least ten opponents in a line.

9) If you decide to start dancing in a field, everyone you more...

Shooting Cans
A guy walks into a gun shop to buy a gun.
"Can I help you sir?, asked the shopkeeper".

Ah, yes... I want to buy a. 44 Magnum please.
The shopkeeper informs the man that the. 44 is a very powerful gun, and asks the customer what he's going to use it for.
The man replies, "I want to shoot cans!"

What? Cans! You don't need a. 44 to shoot cans sir, a much smaller gun would do, advised the shopkeeper.
The customer has enough and finally says, "Shut up and give me the dang. 44 Mag... I want to shoot AmeriCans, MexiCans, and AfriCans!

1) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds.
2) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
3) Nothing is too tight for Madhuri.
4) The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice versa) unless they first perform a dance number in the rain.
5) Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other situation.
6) Village girls who live among cows and sheep have perfect skin and teeth.
7) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero, but he will never be hit, unless of course he is attempting to save the chick.
8) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero with machine guns, yet they will always miss. Every shot the hero takes from his small revolver will knock down at least ten opponents in a line.
9) If you decide to start dancing in a field, everyone you bump into will know all the steps, and will be more...

The company commander saw the results of Private Gibbson's Firing exercise and his face fell. The private exclaimed plaintively: "Sir, I think I am going to commit suicide by shooting myself."

"By shooting?" reasked the company commander, "Not a bad idea! But take as many cartridges as possible."

When asked what he thought about the new squad radio, one Army sergeant told the man from the R&D agency: "This squad radio should be replaced with a good whistle."

Little grandson asked: "Granddaddy, when you were in the Army and were posted as sentry at night, were you afraid?"

"I was, grand sonny, but only until I fell asleep."

A blonde hurried into the hospital emergency room late one night with the
tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?," the emergency room doctor asked her.

"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor? "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off
the tip of your finger?"

"No, silly!" the blonde said. "First, I put the gun to my chest, and I
thought,' I just paid $6, 000 for these; I'm not shooting myself in the
chest."

"So then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought,' I just paid $3, 000 to get
my teeth straightened; I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"So, then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought' This is going to make a loud
noise, so I put my finger in the other ear before I more...

Top NFL Complaints After shooting the blank gun to end the half, the Dallas Cowboy players start shooting back with live ammunition. Calling "heads or tails" but never getting any... "head" or "tail". Players get "the wave"... refs get "the finger". Anyone who makes a call against the Detroit Lions risks pissing off their last remaining fan. With Reggie White retired, the penalty for "Illegal use of a racial slur" is meaningless. Just when we thought it was safe to be an NFL Ref, we have to go back to frickin' CLEVELAND!!! Thanks to instant replay, picking nose during a game is twice as risky. Everyone else gets to wear their Autumn colors, but for me it's black and white week after week after week! Don King only bribes boxing judges. Official rule books not made in Braille. I'm the one that everybody wants to kill, so where's MY helmet and pads?!