Side Jokes / Recent Jokes

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field andcivilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the controltower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from anaircraft asking, "What time is it?"The tower responded, "Who is calling?"The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is anAmerican Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it isan Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little handis on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, "ROAR," step, step, "ROAR," all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and
roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle.As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was near tears by the time he
reached the pulpit.When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear...."

A man was travelling from Jerusalem to Jericho when he was at tacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes and money, beat him up and left him half dead on the roadside. By chance, a priest came along, but when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of, the road and passed by. Then a rabbi came along and saw the man, but he, too, passed by on the other side. Lastly, a social worker approached. He stopped, examined the man, looked deeply concerned and declared, "Whoever did this needs help."

Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
Doctor: A shoebox.

Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1, 000 bones in the human body?
Patient: Shhh, doctor! My dog's outside in the waiting room!

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't
find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."
"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober".

Nurse: "Doctor, don't cut so deep.
That's the third operating table you've ruined this month!"

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant,
and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you *idiot*!" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!"

Patient: Doctor, I have a split personality.
Psychiatrist: more...

Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.
Securing the rope to the ground I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs.
Due to my more...

> >ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING......... By Francie Baltazar-Schwartz
> >
> > Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always
> > in a good mood and always had something positive to say.
> > When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply,
> > "If I were any better, I would be twins!"
> >
> > He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who
> > had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason
> > the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a
> > natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was
> > there telling the employee how to look on the positive side
> > of the situation.
> >
> > Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to
> > Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all
> >of the time. How do you do it?" Jerry replied,
> >
> > "Each more...