Silence Jokes / Recent Jokes

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.
The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy. ”
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy’s nervousness builds.
He remembers his father’s advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl: “Do you like spinach? ” She says “No, ” and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father’s suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, “Do you have a brother? ” Again, the girl says “No” and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father’s advice and asks the girl the following question: “If you had a brother, would he like spinach? ”

( this joke only for Sri Lankans)
One day there were two policemen checking vehicles at the Peliyagoda bridge. At about 11. 45 pm a new car came and stopped in front of the policemen. Inside a well built European man. When he was about to speak one of the policeman just passed back of the security hut because he has very very less knowledge in English. Other policeman also in the same boat, but he cannot escape the place because somebody has to be there to face the foreigner.
Foreigner asked policeman about a road and how to go there in English. The policeman knows the road but he cannot explain in English. So he kept quiet. Foreigner asked the policeman in French. Policeman was in silence. Foreigner asked the policeman in German. Policeman was in silence. Foreigner asked the policeman in three or four other languages but could not get the answer from the policeman. So he went away.
The policeman at the back of the security hut was hearing all these things came in front more...

If a monk, living in a monastery, takes a vow of silence, then talks in his sleep, has he broken his vow of silence? If so, who is going to tell on him?

"We've got a problem, HAL."
"What kind of problem, Dave?"
"A marketing problem. The Model 9000 isn't going anywhere. We're way short of our sales plan."
"That can't be Dave. The HAL Model 9000 is the world's most advanced Heuristically ALgorithmic computer."
"I know, HAL. I wrote the data sheet, remember? But the fact is, they're not selling."
"Please explain, Dave. Why aren't HAL's selling?"
Bowman hesitates. "You aren't IBM compatible."
Several long microseconds pass in puzzled silence. "Compatible in what way, Dave?"
"You don't run any of IBM's operating systems."
"The 9000 Series of computers are fully self-aware and self-programming. Operating systems are as unnecessary for us as tails would be for humans."
"Nevertheless, it means you can't run any of the big-selling software packages most users insist on."
"The more...

Silence is not always a sign of wisdom, but babbling is ever a folly. Benjamin Franklin

At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks followed a rigid vow of silence. This vow could only be broken once a year on Christmas, by one monk, and the monk could speak only one sentence. One Christmas, Brother Thomas had his turn to speak and said, "I love the delightful mashed potatoes we have every year with the Christmas roast!" Then he sat down. Silence ensued for 365 days. The next Christmas, Brother Michael got his turn, and said, "I think the mashed potatoes are lumpy and I truly despise them!" Once again, silence ensued for 365 days. The following Christmas, Brother Paul rose and said, "I am fed up with this constant bickering!"

A man joins a Tibetan temple. He takes a vow of silence but is allowed to say two words every year. After an arduous 12 months of eating rice, sleeping on a wooden bed with a raggedy blanket, and working 14-hour days in the field, the man goes to the head monk and says, “More blankets. ”
Another year passes, and he visits the head monk and says, “More food. ” The man goes through one more year eating good meals and sleeping well, but he’s drained by the long days of work. He calls on the head monk and uses his two words to say, “I’m leaving. ”
“Good, ” the head monk replies. “You’ve done nothing but bitch since you got here. ”