Silver Jokes / Recent Jokes
Worried because they hadn't heard anything for days from the widow in the neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her son, "Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Kirkland is?"A few minutes later, Timmy returned."Well," asked Mrs. Silver, "is she all right?""She's fine, except that she's angry at you.""At me?" the woman exclaimed. "Whatever for?""She said 'It's none of your business how old she is,'" snickered Timmy.
Worried because they hadn't heard anything for days from the widow in the neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her son,
"Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Goldberg is?"
A few minutes later, Timmy returned.
"Well," asked Mrs. Silver, "is she all right?"
"She's fine, except that now shes angry with you."
"At me?" the woman exlaimed. "Whatever for?"
She said "It's none of your business how old she is."
Worried because they hadn't heard anything for days from the widow in the neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her son, "Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Kirkland is?"A few minutes later, Timmy returned."Well," asked Mrs. Silver, "is she all right?""She's fine, except that she's angry at you.""At me?" the woman exclaimed. "Whatever for?""She said' It's none of your business how old she is,'" snickered Timmy.
Social SecurityA retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver`s license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."
In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory.
That is reserved for the Pastor and his housekeeper.
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One day the pastor invited his new young assistant pastor to have
dinner at the rectory. While being served, the young pastor noticed how
shapely and lovely the housekeeper was. Down deep in his heart he
wondered if there was more between the pastor and the housekeeper. After
the meal was over, the middle-aged pastor assured the young priest that
everything was purely professional... that she was the housekeeper and
cook and that was that.
About a week later the housekeeper came to the pastor and said,
"Father, ever since the new assistant came for dinner I have not been
able to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took
it, do you?" The Pastor said, " Well, I doubt it very much, but I'll write him
a
letter." So he sat down and more...
The following is from the British paper, the Sunday Express, giving awards for dubious distinctions.
Tortoise Trophy - To British Rail, which solved the problem of lateness in the Intercity express train service by redefining "on time" to include trains arriving within one hour of schedule.
Rubber Cushion - To John Bloor, who mistook a tube of superglue for his haemorrhoid cream and glued his buttocks together.
Flying Cross - To Percy the pigeon, who flopped down exhausted in a Sheffield loft, having beaten 1,000 rivals in a 500-mile race, and was immediately eaten by a cat. Alas, a 90-minute delay resulting from finding his ID tag and handing it to officials, relegated Percy from first place to third.
Silver Bullet - To poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhangiung rock, and was instantly killed when it fell on him.
Crimewatch Cup
Gold Star - To Henry Smith, arrested moments after returning home with a stolen stereo. more...
Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (Jesse Jackson) Changing the light bulb is a partial solution at best. I'm more of a Lone Ranger than a light bulb changer. But even the Lone Ranger had Tonto and Silver, and the shameful fact is that the American Indians of today don't have enough silver, or gold, or even paper money to allow them to buy into the American Dream or some extra light bulbs. We must ensure that all Americans can light their homes, from the lighthouse to the White House.