Sip Jokes / Recent Jokes

A new priest at his frist mass was so nervous he could heardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.

If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday the priest took the monsignors advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office he found the following note on the door.

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not get his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his apostles as J. C. and the boys.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David more...

A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch. The bartender, believing that the customer will not be able to tell the difference, pours him a shot of the cheap 3-year-old house scotch that has been poured into an empty bottle of the good stuff.

The man takes a sip and spits the scotch out on the bar and reams the bartender.' This is the cheapest 3-year-old scotch you can buy. I'm not paying for it. Now, give me a good 12-year-old scotch.'

The bartender, now feeling a bit of a challenge, pours him a scotch of much better quality, 6-year-old scotch.

The man takes a sip and spits it out on the bar.' This is only 6-year- old scotch. I won't pay for this, and I insist on a good, 12-year-old scotch.

The bartender finally relents and serves the man his best quality, 12-year-old scotch.

The man sips the drink and says,' Now that's more like it.'

An old drunk from the end of the bar, who has witnessed the entire more...