Sister Jokes / Recent Jokes

Last year at Christmas time, my mom went to my sister’s house for the
traditional holiday feast.
Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick.
She told my sister that she needed something from the store and asked if my
sister wouldn’t mind going out to get it.
When my sister left the house, mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the
mixed stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey… then
re-stuffed the turkey.
She then placed the bird(s) back into the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and
proceeded to remove the stuffing.
When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the smaller
bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, “Barbara, you’ve
cooked a pregnant bird! ”
At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry hysterically.
It took the more...

There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister more...

Dan: My little brother is a real pain.
Nan: Things could be worse.
Dan: How?
Nan: He could be twins!

A Pakistani soldier was caught trespassing in the private quarter of a home. The houseowner hauled him out into the street and both he and his son began to thrash him. A passerby joined them. The military police rescued the soldier and arrested the three men. They were arraigned before a military court.
Assaulting a man in military uniform is a very serious crime, punishable by death,' said the presiding officer to the three accused.' What explanations have you to offer as extenuating circumstances?'
The elderly houseowner replied:' Sir, I caught this man trying to molest my daughter. The honour of a Pakistani daughter is more sacred than one's life.'
'Quite right!', agreed the presiding officer.' And what do you have to say?', He asked the houseowner's son.
'Sir, this fellow was. trying to take liberties with my sister. The honour of a Pakistani sister is more precious that one's life/ he replied.
'Quite right!' agreed the presiding officer, and turned to the more...

IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN LADIES

RULES TO THINK ABOUT BEFORE WEARING SANDALS

Please raise your big toes and repeat after me:... As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the rules when you wear sandals and other open toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. that my toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will heels spill over the backs.

And that the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up the big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off big toe.

I will not wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck more...

A little boy goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?" The father replies: "Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she'd have sex with the mailman for $500, 000." The boy goes and asks his mother: "Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500, 000?" The mother replies: "Hell yes I would!" The little boy returns to his father: "Dad, she said' Hell yes I would!'" The father then says: "Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she'd have sex with her principal for $500, 000." The boy asks his sister: "Would you have sex with your principal for $500, 000?" The sister replies: "Hell yes I would!" He returns to his father: "Dad, she said' Hell yes I would!'" The father answers: "Okay son, here's the deal: Hypothetically, we're millionaires, but more...

A man had just undergone coronary surgery at Mercy Hospital and was in the recovery room. A Sister of Mercy was at his bedside to reassure him that all went well. "You are going to be fine, Mr. Jones, however we do need to know how you intend to pay for your hospital stay. Do you have insurance coverage?"
"No, I don't," the groggy man answered.
"Is it possible for you to pay in cash then?" the nun persisted. "No, I'm afraid that's not possible," he replied.
"Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun asked. "Only my sister in Texas, but she's a humble spinster nun," said the man.
"Mr Jones, I must correct you. Nuns are not spinsters for they are married to God," the nun explained.
"Well, in that case, send my bill to my brother-in-law!" he said.