Six Jokes / Recent Jokes
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. The odds of winnning the California lottery by matching all six numbers are 14 times greater than the odds of being struck by lightening, according to Lottery magazine. the figure drops to nine times greater in New Jersey, six times greater in Pennsylvania, and four times greater in Connecticut.
He was in His sixth day of overtime, when an angel appeared and said... "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."
The Lord said,. .."Have you read the specs on this order?"
She has to be;
Completely washable,. .. but not plastic;
Have 180 movable parts,. .. all replaceable;
Run on black coffee and leftovers;
Have a lap that disappears when she stands up;
Have a kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a broken heart; and....
She must have six pairs of hands.
The angel shook her head slowly and said,. .. "Six pairs of hands?.... No way."
"It's not the hands that are causing me problems, said the Lord... It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have."
"That's on the standard model?".... asked the angel.
The Lord nodded... "Yes. One that sees through closed doors when she asks, What are you kids doing in there?. more...
On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Six geese a-laying,
five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to more...
A blonde grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.
She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order.
"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the blonde asked.
The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."
Why are sheep always in a field? Because they can’t get out!
Who gives my cat his Christmas presents? Santa Paws!
Who gives my other cat his Christmas presents? Santa Claws!
What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around while i go ahead!
Whats the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs!
What did mary say to santa during the storm? Look at that rain, dear!
Where do plumbers buy there presents? Bath!
Why is it best to park your car near the moon? Because there is a lot of space!
What is the use of reindeer? It makes the garden grow sweetie!
How many legs does rudolph have? Four? No, six. - he’s got forelegs and two back legs!
What game do six reindeer play in the back of a mini? Squash!
Why did the reindeer take his nose apart? To see what made it run!
What do you call a reindeer that has a number on its tail? Reg!
Did you hear the story of the 3 reindeer? No. Oh deer, Oh deer, Oh deer
Why do more...
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, “Give me six double vodka. ”
The barman says, “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day. ” “Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay. ”
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too! ”
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women? ”
“Yeah, my wife! ”
A woman goes into a bar real depressed and uses her last 10 dollars to buy a drink. All of a sudden she gets an idea that she knows will solve her problems.
She takes her change and goes to the man at the end of the bar and says, ” Mister, I’m broke and my landlord said if I dont give him the rent money first thing in the morning, I’m out of a place to live. I’ll bet you my last five dollars that i can come up with a rhyme that you can’t come up with a reply to. ”
The man wanting to help her says ok go ahead.
So she tells him, “six times six is thirty-six and three is thirty-nine. I can tell the length of yours but you can’t tell the depth of mine. ”
The man scratches his head and says, “your right, I can’t top that. ” and he pays her the five dollars.
Then she goes to the next man and the next until she has beat every man in the bar. So she goes to the next bar and starts betting 100 at a time. She does this at every bar on the block more...