Six Jokes / Recent Jokes

So the doctor tells the patient he's got only six months to live. But the patient doesn't pay his bill on time, so the doctor giveshim another six months.

Whats got six legs and can fly long distances? Three swallows!

Betty and Tim were killed in an auto accident on the eve of their wedding. When they reached the pearly gates, St Peter met them. They asked if they could still be married in Heaven.' Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay there and I will be right back.' Six months passed and finally Peter returned.' Yes, we can do this for you.'
The couple replied,' Well as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out, is there a possiblity that we could be divorced if the marriage doesn't work out?'
To this St Peter answered,' It took me six months to find a priest up here... how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer!

Mr. Baldwin, the biology teacher called on Mary, "Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it's normal size, and state the conditions." Mary gasped and said in a huff, "Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an inappropriate question and my parents are going tohear of it when I get home!"She sat down, red-faced." Susan, can you tell me the answer?" asked Mr. Baldwin." The pupil of the eye, under dark conditions," said Susan." Correct. Now Mary, I have three things to say to you. First, you have not studied your lesson. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, boy are you going to be disappointed someday!"

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete theirplaying time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is."Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants. Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards."She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"Rippington says, "I'll tell him."

One night Jerry brought home a dozen red roses to his wife. "How lovely dear" she said, "what's the occasion?"

"I want to make love to you" he said simply.

"Not tonight, dear. I have a headache."

The next night Jerry came home with a big box of chocolates, and explained that he wanted to make love with her.

"I'm awfully tired, honey" said his wife.

"Not tonight."

Every night for a week Jerry brought home something, but each time his wife's answer was no.

Finally he came home with six black kittens with little red bows around their necks and handed them to his wife. "How adorable Jerry" she exclaimed. "But what are they for?"

"These are six little pallbearers for your dead pussy."

The six fraternity men came weaving out of the off-campus gin mill and started to crowd themselves into the Volkswagen for the rollicking ride back home. One of them, obviously the house president, took charge of the situation. "Herbie," he said, "you drive. You're too drunk to sing."