Skier Jokes

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Water skier!
Water skier who?
Water skier'd of, I'm harmless!

So the Jamaicans did it with "Cool Runnings"... not to be outdone, the Israelis had the best downhill slalom skier in the world.
They went up to the Winter Olympics with high hopes of the Gold Medal. Through the practices they watched the Austrians, the Swiss, the Germans, the Italians and the Swedish ski down the hill and through the gates.
But the Israeli KNEW that he had it in the bag. He had easily beaten every one of those other guys times!
Come the day of the competition, the Israeli is drawn to ski last. They watched the Austrian - 35.7 seconds. Then the Italian, 35.2... and so on, until it came to the Israeli entry.
The coach waited anxiously at the bottom... 6 and a half MINUTES later, the Israeli crossed the line!
The coach was furious. "What the h*ll happened to you?!" he screeched.
"It wasn't my fault!" yelled back the skier. "Some b*st*rd nailed a mezzuzah to every gate!"

Now that ski season is almost here, it's time to brush up on those important skiing definitions:

Alp: One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European.

Avalanche: One of the few actual perils skiers face that needlessly frighten timid individuals away from the sport. See also: Blizzard, First Aid, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse.

Bindings: Automatic mechanisms that protect skiers from serious injury during a fall by releasing skis from boots, sending the skis skittering across the slope where they trip two other skiers.

Bones: There are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however; the two bones of the middle ear have never been broken while skiing.

Cross-Country Skiing: Traditional Scandinavian all-terrain technique. It's good exercise, doesn't require purchase of costly lift tickets. It has no crowds or lines. See also Cross-Country more...

The female skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo)...
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.
She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,
"Picabo, ICU".

Alp: One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European skier on a U.S. mountain. An appropriate reply: "What Zermatter?" Avalanche: One of the few actual perils skiers face that needlessly frighten timid individuals away from the sport. See also: Blizzard, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse. Bindings: Automatic mechanisms that protect skiers from potentially serious injury during a fall by releasing skis from boots, sending the skis skittering across the slope where they trip two other skiers, and so on and on, eventually causing the entire slope to be protected from serious injury. Bones: There are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however: TWO bones of the middle ear have never been broken in a skiing accident. Cross-Country Skiing: Traditional Scandinavian all-terrain snow-travelling technique. It's good exercise. It doesn't require the purchase of costly lift tickets. It has no crowds or lines. It more...