Skin Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ther was this Indian chief, and he had three wives. They slept in the same tent. One on a bear skin, one on a buffalo skin and one on a hippopotamus skin.After a time the three had children. The one that slept on the bear skin had a baby boy, the one on the buffalo skin had a baby girl, and the one on the hippopotamus skin had a baby boy and a baby girl, proving that the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the sqaws on the other two hides!!!

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman`s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn`t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman`s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay more...

This has to be one of the funniest and most God-awful scenarios I have ever heard of… Bless this woman!!!
All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy, painless removal. The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now…. The Wax!!
My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home; fix dinner; played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours; “Maybe I should pull the wax out of the medicine cabinet? ”
So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart, press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off!
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I’m no girly, girl, but I am mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out. *YA THINK!!!*
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It’s two more...

Jay Leno Jokes from the Tonight Show... Pharmaceutical companies that make birth control pills are telling teenage girls that taking the pill can help clear up their skin. Do you think that's true? I think there is a better chance of clearing up the boyfriend's skin. .. Fashion experts say that President Bush is helping bring back cowboy boots and cowboy hats. See, so it is not just for male strippers anymore. .. LeAnn Rimes apologized to fans for the quality of her new album. Isn't that unbelievable? If LeAnn Rimes has to apologize for her album, what the heck is Kathie Lee going to do, commit suicide? In an interview with Vanity Fair magazine, Hugh Hefner admitted having 7 girlfriends, one for each night of the week. .. Someone should tell him those are called nurses. He said they all have sex together in the same bed. He said Viagra makes it possible. .. I think money makes it possible! Surgeons in Britain amputated the hand of the world's first hand transplant patient because the more...

>Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says,
>"Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".
>
>"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.
>
>"What's that mean?"
>
>"It means they cut the skin off the end."
>
>"How old were you when it was cut off?"
>
>"My mom said I was two days old."
>
>"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.
>
>"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"

Dad decided it was time to help Joey learn to piss into the toilet instead of his little potty. He called Joey in and told him to stand by the john and watch as he demonstrated. "It's easier to remember if you do it by the numbers," Dad explained as he pulled his wanker out. "One: Pull the skin back like this," Dad explained and pulled his sking back showing Joey his red rosebud head. "Two: Piss into the toilet," Dad explained and let loose a hot stream of yellow piss. "Three: Shake it off," Dad explained and gave his wanker a couple of shakes. "Four: Pull the skin forward and you're through," Dad said as he pulled the skin over his smaller head. "Now, Joey, I'm going to step outside and you see what you remember," Dad said as he closed the door behind himself. Joey thought about it a minute and said: "One - four - one - four - one - four - one - four - - - - -

I Am Glad I Picked You

I saw you across a crowded room.
Among all the others that were there,
The lights seemed to shine down on you alone.
I knew then I had to have you for my own.

Willingly, you came with me to my home.
From the car, I carried you & threw the door.

Looking at you, I admire your body,
your well shaped legs,and breasts.
Slowly I remove what wraps,
around your body so tighly,
fitting you like a glove.
Exposing your tender white skin.

From your neck I remove your charms,
and carry you off in my arms,
to the warm water that awaits.

The water cascades down your neck,
flowing over your soft breasts then,
making your legs glisten with wetness.
Droplets of water cover your taut skin.

My hands rub your body, ummmm
running them threw the beads of water.
Making them trickle down off your body.

I place my fingers inside more...