Slightly Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Groaner
The abbey in England that was a bit down at the heels and decided to open a roadside stand to pull in some tourist money.
The abbot decided that something typically English was called for, so he sent Brother Sebastian and Brother Thomas down to the road to open a Fish and Chips stand.
A wit came by and asked Brother Sebastian, "Are you the fish friar?"
"No, friend," answered Brother Sebastian, "I'm the chip monk."
Slightly Vulgar
While on a special outing to take care of the abbey's business, Brother Sebastian found himself one day in his car, down in the ditch, and there was no help for the motor that had given up the ghost, it seemed.
Along came another motorist who stopped and asked, "I say, what seems to be the matter?"
"Oh, piston broke," said the friar.
"So am I, but w'at's the matter with the cah?"

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are all boasting to each other about
presents they have bought their wives for their birthdays.
The Englishman says "I've bought my wife a 24-carot gold ring and a
glove".
"Why have you got her a glove?" the other two ask.
"Because when she wears the ring in public, I want her to wear the glove
so no-one can nick it off her finger" he replies.
The Scotsman is not impressed and proudly braggs "I've got my wife a
diamond necklace and a scarf".
The other two, slightly confused, ask "What's the scarf for?"
"So that when she wears it in crowded places, she can put the scarf around
her neck to prevent it being snatched" the Scotsman replies.
The Englishman and Scotsman, both feeling proud at their gifts, were keen
to hear
what the Irishman had bought his wife and invited him to tell them.
"Well, I got her a pair of shoes and a more...

Ornaments would be priced slightly higher, but would hang on the tree remarkably quickly. Also the colors of the ornaments would be prettier than most all the others. Options would be available for' equalization' of color combinations on the tree.

It was slightly before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols.
Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood.
Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointier parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way.
With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the attendant,
"Even if I were not married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe."
"Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe more...

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which was sat a rather plump and very ugly woman. "Take me now or climb the ladder to success" she said.
No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye. "Take me now or climb the ladder to success" she said. "Well", thought the man, "might as well carry on.
On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was quite attractive. "Take me now or climb the ladder to success" she uttered.
As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went.
On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot. "Take me now or climb the ladder to success" she flirted.
Unable more...

A woman offered a brand-new car for sale for a price of ten dollars. A man answered the ad, but he was slightly disbelieving.' 'What's the gimmick?'' he inquired.
''No gimmick,'' the woman answered.' 'My husband died, and in his will he asked that the car be sold and the money go to his secretary.''

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which was sat a rather plump and homely looking woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success" she said. No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye." Screw me or climb the ladder to success" she said. "Well", thought the man, "might as well carry on. On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was really hot." Screw me now or climb the ladder to success" she uttered. As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went. On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, everything he could want. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success" she flirted. Unable to imagine what more...