Slip Jokes / Recent Jokes

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"

Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with you.
Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens.
Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.
Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.
At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.
Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased.
Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.
Leave some phony dog poop on top of the deceased.
Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will can be read before the funeral is over.
Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone more...

Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with you.
Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens.
Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
Tell the widow that you're the deceasd's gay lover.
Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.
At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.
Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased.
Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.
Leave some phony dog poop on top of the deceased.
Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will can be read before the funeral is over.
Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone more...

The Shoplifter...

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store.

"Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either.
What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip.

The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend.
Can you show me something less expensive?"

At the conclusion of a criminal trial in a high profile bank robbery case, the judge turned to the jury foreman and asked if the jury had reached a verdict.
"Yes, we have, your honor," replied the foreman.
"Would you pass it to me, please," the judge said, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.
The judge read the slip, gave it back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman, and instructed the foreman, "Please read the verdict to the court."
"We, the jury, find the defendant Not Guilty on all three counts of bank robbery," the foreman stated. Upon hearing the verdict, the defendant's family and friends jumped for joy, hugging each other as they shouted expressions of divine gratitude.
The defendant's attorney turned to him and asked, "So, what do you think of that?"
With a bewildered look on his face, the defendant replied, "I'm very confused. more...

Little Johnny and Sex Education
A unit in sex education was about to begin, and each student had to bring in a permission slip in order to take it.
Little Johnny handed in his slip and explained to the teacher, "My mom says I can take the course as long as there's no homework.

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you dont want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"