Smell Jokes / Recent Jokes
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts - although still silent - stink terribly."The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing...."
There was a papa mole, a mamma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Mamma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."
Here's a handy list to print out and carry with you at all times. Next time ya rip one and someone asks, "what was that?", you can now explain!
Silent But Deadly (SBD) Fart The type that remains totally inaudible, yet somehow causes all the occupants of a room to collapse. Can smell like anything, nasal investigators rarely have time to distinguish an odour.
Eggy Fart Smells very much like rotten eggs (or Hydrogen Sulphide). A powerful odor which tends to put people off lunch. Often rips out in the fashion of a Bunbuster.
Windy Fart The sort of fart which goes' Whoosh', and is more felt than heard. A little like an SBD, but louder and considerably less toxic.
Growling Fart Happens deep within the rectum (and therefore has no smell). Somehow never meets the light of day. Tends to growl like a dog at the vets.
Worrying Fart The kind which seems to be a fart right up to the point at which you release it. At this stage more...
1.But everybody looks funny naked!
2.You woke me up for that?
3.Did I mention the video camera?
4.Do you smell something burning?
5.(In a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
6.Try breathing through your nose.
7.A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
8.Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
9.Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
10.But whipped cream makes me break out.
11.Person 1: This is your first time... right?
Person 2: Yeah... today.
12.Hurry up! This room rents by the hour!
13.Can you please pass me the remote control?
14.Do you accept Visa?
15.ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
16.On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
17.And to think - I was really trying to pick up your friend!
18.So much for mouth-to-mouth.
19.(Using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
20.Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
21.Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the more...
A blind man applies for a job at a saw mill.
The owner interviewing him asks him what kind of a job he is interested in. The blind man says "Inspecting wood."
The owner laughs and says "But you're blind!"
The blind man replies, "Test me! I can sniff any wood and tell you what it is."
The owner agrees, and gives him a piece of wood to smell, "Tell me what kind of wood this is."
The blind man plainly replies "It's pine."
The owner looking surprised grabs another piece and sticks it under the blind mans nose. The blind man says it is mohagany.
The owner thinks for a bit, then says, "I have one more piece for you to smell."
He gets his secretary to sit spread-eagle on his desk and he asks the blind man what kind it is, pushing his head toward the secretary's crotch.
The blind man replies, "Wwwhheeeeewwwwww wwwwweeeeeee!
Thats the shit-house door off of a tuna trolley!"
A guy goes into a bar and seats himself next to a hot looking woman. After a few drinks he musters the courage to talk to her. After a few more drinks and a little conversation he leans over to the woman and asks, "Can I smell your Pussy?" The woman is outraged and answers with a stern, "Of course not!" The drunk man replies... "Oh, then it must be your feet."