Smell Jokes / Recent Jokes
A 21-year-old girl saunters into a prestigious car showroom, looks around all the Porsches, Ferrari's and Lamborghini's before deciding on a top-end Red Porsche.
"I'll pay cash!" she says and hands over a bagful of Twenties. The deal is finalised very quickly and the girl drives it away.
Two days later she's back, fuming, "I want my money back...it smells awfully bad when I use the brakes."
Not wanting to lose the sale (having taken cash and fiddled the books) the sales-manager decides to ride in the car with her 'in case she ain't driving it properly'.
He gets in and she roars out of the dealership, drops it into second gear at 50 mph, floors the pedal again and slips into 3rd at 80 mph, does a handbrake turn into a country lane and then really starts to accelerate. 110 mph in 4th, 140 in 5th, the engine's roaring like a Lion with toothache, and the car is shuddering as it climbs to 170 mph. The scenery is a green blur and the G-force has him more...
This old lady went to a doctor's office and told him that she has bad gas, but you can't smell it or hear it. So the doctor gives her two pills and tells her take them and come back tomorrow. She came back and said that you can't hear the gas but now you can smell it. Then the doctor says, "Good now we can work on your hearing."
But everybody looks funny naked!
You woke me up for that?
Did I mention the video camera?
Do you smell something burning?
(In a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
Try breathing through your nose.
A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
But whipped cream makes me break out.
Person 1: This is your first time... right?
Person 2: Yeah... today.
Hurry up! This room rents by the hour!
Can you please pass me the remote control?
Do you accept Visa?
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
And to think - I was really trying to pick up your friend!
So much for mouth-to-mouth.
(Using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
Do you get any premium movie channels?
Try not more...
In 1993, sometime in December, a customer walks in with a dead PowerBook 165. Fault description: hangs on startup. An additional symptom provided was: whilst being carried from the customer's site to our service center, a' sloshing' noise was heard within the machine.
"Has anything been split on this computer?" I inquired, but no, nothing of the sort had happened, protested the client vehemently. Taking this with a grain of salt (no-one's going to admit doing something that totally invalidates their warranty and effectively wrecks their computer) I went about filling in the repair order.
Back on the bench, I started the PowerBook up. Sure enough, an address error on startup, just after' Welcome to Macintosh'. I lowered my ear to the keyboard, at which point I heard a crackling noise (couldn't hear any sloshing noise though) and became aware of a rather' sharp' odor which seemed to emanate from the inside of the machine. Flicking the computer off and more...
This old lady walks into the Doctor's office and says, "Doctor, please help me. I have a terrible problem with farting. It's not really a social problem, because you can't smell it or hear it, but I must have farted 20 times since talking to you."
The Doctor nods his head and says, "Take this bottle of pills and use them all. When they are all gone in about 2 weeks, come back to see me."
The old lady comes back 2 weeks later and is angry. She says "What was in those pills? I fart just as much. You still can't hear them, but now they smell horrible!"
The Doctor again nods his head and says, "Great, that takes care of your sinus problem, now let's work on your hearing."