Soft Jokes / Recent Jokes

This is a story about Johnnie's day at school....Johnnie's teacher got up
in front of the class and announced they were going to play a guessing
game! The teacher said, "I have something behind my back. It's red in
color and round. It's soft, but it's hard."
Johnnie raised his hand and
said, "Teacher, I know it's a red rubber ball." The teacher said, "No
Johnnie, it's an apple, but I like the way that you think."
Next the
teacher grabbed another object and put it behind her back. "I have
something behind my back. It's orange in color and round. It's soft,
but it's hard," said Johnnie's teacher.
Johnnie raised his hand again
and said, "Teacher, teacher, I know it's an orange rubber ball." The
teacher looked at Johnnie and said, "No Johnnie, it's an orange, but I
like the way that you think."
Johnnie was now getting the hang of it so
he asked the teacher if he more...

After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her. Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful? God: So you will always want to look at her. Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft? God: So you will always want to touch her. Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good? God: So you will always want to be near her.Adam: That's wonderful Lord, and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid? God: So she would love you.

After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her.
Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?
God: So you will always want to look at her.
Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?
God: So you will always want to touch her.
Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good?
God: So you will always want to be near her.
Adam: That's wonderful Lord... and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid?
God: So she would love you

A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper.
"Pardon me, sir," she says to the store manager, "but can you explain the differences in all these toilet papers?"
"Well," he replies pointing out one brand, "this is as soft as a baby's kiss. It's $1.50 per roll."
He grabs another and says, "This is nice and soft as a bunny, strong but gentle, and it's $1.00 a roll."
Pointing to the bottom shelf he tells her, "We call that our No Name brand, and it's 20 cents per roll."
"Give me the No Name," she says.
She comes back about a week later, seeks out the manager and says, "Hey! I've got a name for your No Name toilet paper. I call it John Wayne."
"Why?" he asks.
"Because it's ROUGH, it's TOUGH and it DON'T TAKE CRAP OFF ANYBODY!"

A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper.
"Pardon me, sir," she says to the store manager, "but can you explain the differences in all these toilet papers?"
"Well," he replies pointing out one brand, "this is as soft as a baby's kiss. It's $1.50 per roll."
He grabs another and says, "This is nice and soft as a bunny, strong but gentle, and it's $1.00 a roll."
Pointing to the bottom shelf he tells her, "We call that our No Name brand, and it's 20 cents per roll."
"Give me the No Name," she says.
She comes back about a week later, seeks out the manager and says, "Hey! I've got a name for your No Name toilet paper. I call it John Wayne."
"Why?" he asks.
"Because it's rough, it's tough and it don't take no crap off nobody!"

A guy stopped at a local gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole. The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road."I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can into a trash container and heading down the road toward the men."Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with all this digging and refilling?""Well, we work for the government and we're just dong our job," one of the men said."But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' more...

Once again, as a service to the readers of the Politics list,
I submitted the following as an article in the Virtual World
News (our very own Electronic Tabloid Paper, run by me.)
THE VIRTUAL WORLD NEWS
"Don't read anything else.
We really mean it."
TV STAR TEARFULLY ADMITS, "I WAS ABUSED AS A CHILD," FILES LAWSUIT
AGAINST HOLLYWOOD BIGWIGS FOR "EXPLOITATION"
The cushiony king of children's public television says his life hasn't been
as soft as it may appear. Barney T. Dinosaur, in an emotional press conference
last week, admitted that his upbringing at the hooves of other dinosaurs
was a harrowing experience.
"Nobody liked me," the star said, as he filed a formal lawsuit against
Steven Spielberg and various persons and institutions involved with
the making of the film "Jurassic Park." The suit contends that Barney,
as the last surviving member of the species is entitled to be more...