Sold Jokes / Recent Jokes

Editor's Note: This is kind of long, and actually considering it's an awful lot like many conversations I've had, not as funny as it might be. But, heck, enjoy it anyhow...

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PeaceNik: Why did you say we are we invading Iraq?

WarMonger: We are invading Iraq because it is in violation of security council resolution 1441. A country cannot be allowed to violate security council resolutions.

PN: But I thought many of our allies, including Israel, were in violation of more security council resolutions than Iraq.

WM: It's not just about UN resolutions. The main point is that Iraq could have weapons of mass destruction, and the first sign of a smoking gun could well be a mushroom cloud over NY.

PN: Mushroom cloud? But I thought the weapons inspectors said Iraq had no nuclear weapons.

WM: Yes, but biological and chemical weapons are the issue.

PN: But I thought Iraq did not have any long more...

I went to a money-making seminar. This man had so much bling he sparkled. I could tell he knew how to make money. He was telling the story of how he worked his way up the corporate ladder from a lowly mail boy, to cubicle, to corner office, to the president of his own very successful business. He went on to tell the whole process of sucking up to the bosses and such. Anyway the way he made most of his money was with his own business. It wasn't persay the way he ran it but the idea behind it. He mass producted one product but sold it as two. He made long rubber open ended cylinders and sold them as a box of 12 condoms for $6 and he sold a bag of balloons for $3.
The man was a genius...pure genius...

Two Pollacks went to a desert and bought a pick-up load of watermelon. They sold it for a cheap price and they were all sold within a couple of hours. When they looked at their profits, they didn't have any because they bought and sold for the same price! A moment after one of the two says,"I know, let us rent a bigger truck next time!."

A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what Happened.

"I did a terrible thing, " sniffed the drunk, "Just a few hours ago I sold my Wife to someone for a bottle of Southern Comfort."

"That is awful," said the other guy, "And now that she is gone you want her back Right?"

"Right!" said the drunk, still crying.

"You`re sorry you sold her because you realized, too late, that you still loved Her?"

"Oh, No, who the hell wants to love her," said the drunk. "I want her back Because I`m thirsty again!"

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.
Little Mary led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."
"Very good," said the teacher.
Little Sally was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events."
"Very good, Sally," said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk."$2,467," he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Tooth brushes," said Little Johnny.
"Tooth more...

In the US, if you have alcohol that you're not going to drink and sell it to a friend just to get rid of it, that is a punishable crime by law for selling alcohol without a license.

In some countries, the punishment for driving under the influence (DUI) is death, but in Uraguay drinking and driving is a legal excuse for having an accident while driving.

People who drink alcohol in moderation tend to be healthier and live longer than those who either abstain or abuse alcohol.

If you don't drink alcohol, you raise the risk of heart disease, but many of the health benefits of alcohol are lost if you don't drink it regularly.

Only 30% of Americans believe that moderate drinking is part of a healthy lifestyle and balance life, even though they know medical reports show otherwise.

Contrary to common misperception, alcohol does not destroy brain cells. In fact, the moderate consumption of alcohol is often associated with improved more...

Yo mama is so stupid she sold her car for gas money.