Sorry Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa was traveling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the Passport size photograph of his son (for college admission).

Accidentally, the photograph fell down from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found the same on the floor of the bus. Politely, he asked the saree clad female, standing in front of him, “Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph. ” The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted in a hospital.

He was surprised to see Banta on the bed next to him, in a still worse condition. Banta started to explain his “Adventure”. He had gone to a remote village on some work & couldn’t finish the work on time. He had missed the last bus from that place. He couldn’t find any Hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the owner whether he could stay there for the night. The Owner replied” I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can’t allow you to stay”. He approached the next house and asked more...

Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all, while the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secret is."mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm," is the reply."I'm sorry, what did you say?""mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm," the successful fisherman repeats."I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you." The man spits something into his hand and says very clearly, "You've got to keep your worms warm."

By Nicholas Petreley
"Sulu, set path to the floppy drive. Scotty, fit the hard drive with the Microsoft Windows 95 engine. Chekov, prepare the install disks, we're about to begin a sequel."
"Capitan, Windows 95 doesn't do SQL."
"Right. Then let's see how she performs at task speed. Scotty?"
"Captain, are you surre you want to replace the system? If ye put Windows code into a true 32-bit multitasking environment, we'll risk a matter-antimatter explosion!"
"Scotty, that's an order. "
"Aye, Captain, but she's just not rready. She needs a proper beta shakedown."
"That's what we're doing, Scotty. Chekov, how are those install disks coming?"
"We're on disk 5, sir."
"Good. Spock?"
"Fascinating, Captain. It appears as if Windows 95 is scanning our hardware and mutating to adapt."
"Then, Spock, can you tell me why it is saying it can't use the more...

A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender’s face. Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping.
“I’m sorry, ” he said.
“I’m really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can’t tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this. ”
Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see an analyst about his problem.
“I happen to have the name of a Psychoanalyst, ” the bartender said.
“My brother and my wife have both been treated by him, and they say he’s as good as they get. ”
The man wrote down the name of the Doctor, thanked the bartender, and left.
The bartender smiled, knowing he’d done a good deed for a fellow human being.
Six months later, the man was back.
“Did you do what I suggested? ” the bartender asked, serving the glass more...

With the hunchback still dead, and his no-armed replacement still dead, the church leader still needs a bell ringer. He posts a sign outside the church and another no-armed man shows up to take the job. The frustrated church leader says, "The last no-armed guy died trying to ring this bell, what makes you think you can do it?" The no-armed man says, "I've been without my arms since birth and therefore have much more experience. Besides, I desperately need the job to feed my family." The church leader, feeling sorry for the man, says, "OK give it a try." And, as expected, the no-armed man tries to pull the rope with his teeth, stumbles and falls to his death. The church leader rushes down to the sidewalk just as a policeman arrives. The policeman says, "OK, this is two deaths in two days. Does anybody know who this guy is?" The church leader says, "I'm sorry, I didn't ask, but he's a dead ringer for the guy who was in here yesterday!"

A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender's face. Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can't tell you how embarrassing it is, to have a compulsion like this."

Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see an analyst about his problem. "I happen to have the name of a Psychoanalyst," the bartender said. "My Brother and my Wife have both been treated by him, and they say he's as good as they get."

The man wrote down the name of the Doctor, thanked the bartender, and left. The bartender smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a fellow human being.

Six months later, the man was back. "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving the more...

Teacher: That's the stupidest boy in the whole school. Mother: That's my son. Teacher: Oh! I'm so sorry. Mother: You're sorry?