Speeding Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed.
However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. "Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch *all* the fish?"

A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge. The judge said, "What will you take.... 30 days or $30."The man replied, "I think Ill take the money."

An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman was driving. She gets pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer says, "Ma`am, did you know you were speeding?" The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?" The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING." The patrolman says, "May I see your license?" The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?" The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE." The woman gives him her license. The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had." The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?" "HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!" the old man yells.

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed.However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?""Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. "Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied.The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch *all* the fish?"

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" more...

The General: Faster than a speeding bullet,
More powerful than a locomotive,
Leaps over tall buildings with a single bound,
Walks on water, and
Talks with God
The Colonel: Just as fast as a speeding bullet,
More powerful than a switch engine,
Leaps over small buildings with a single bound,
Walks on water when it's calm, and
Talks with God on special occasions
The Lt Col: Faster than a speeding BB,
Loses a tug-of-war with a switch engine,
Leaps over small buildings with a running start,
Swims well, and
Listens at a distance to the voice of God.
The Major: Can load a gun properly,
Plays with train sets,
Leaps over Quonset huts with a running start,
Can do the Dog Paddle, and
Sometimes pays attention to what the Lt. Col. says,
The Captain: Is not issued ammunition for fear of self-inflicted injury,
Recognizes a locomotive two out of three times,
Runs into buildings,
Can wade through water less more...

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars that were all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got caught and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation and was about to walk awy when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?" the policeman asked the man.
"Ummm, yeah...," the driver replied.
The officer grinned and said, "Ever catch all the fish?"