Spider Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why did the spider buy a car?
So he could take it out for a spin!
What does a spider do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall!
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?
If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
Why are spider’s good swimmers?
They have webbed feet!
How do you spot a modern spider?
He doesn`t have a web he had a website!
What are spiders webs good for?
Spiders!
What kind of doctors are like spiders?
Spin doctors!
What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant?
I`m not sure, but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses!
What did the spider say to the fly?
We`re getting married do you want to come to the webbing?
What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad?
It became a daddy short legs! What is a spider’s favorite TV show?
The newly web more...
One unemployed man travelled whole day in the city seeking suitable employement without sucess. Finally he got in to a small hotel to drink some thing though he didnot have enough money.
While he was waiting to order something he saw another customer who was sitting opposite to him, reading news paper without paying attension to the soup bowl which he ordered. Since he did not have money, poor chap suddenly decided to take the soup and drink. Since the soup was cold he could drink it very fast untill he saw a dead spider in the bottom of the soup bowl.
Soon he started to vomit what he drank back into the soup bowl.
This time the man who ordered the soup moved the news paper and looked at the person with simpathy and very calmly said,
"I did the same thing (vomitting) half and hour ago"
The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.[Another quarter inch doesn't impress most women.]A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m. p. h.[Along with everything else in your mouth at the time.]The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500s.[That same year men began asking, "Put that on my WHAT?" ]The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B. C.[Does this explain Crocodile Dung Dee?]Watch out for flying hockey pucks - they travel at up to 100 mph.[Stand clear or you'll get pucked.]America's first nudist organization was founded in 1929, by 3 men.[3 very lonely men.]98% of American drivers think they drive better than anyone else.[The other 2% are NY cab drivers who know better.]When he's feeling amorous, the male sea otter grabs the female's nose with his teeth.[When the female feel amorous, she grabs something else.]In 1681, the last dodo bird died.[He was 41 and his name was also Fred.]A more...
Later on in the same match, the fielding side groaned, as they watched the spider walk to the crease.
'Oh no, not him again,' sighed the grasshopper.' Is he good?' asked a beetle.
'It's not that,' said the grasshopper,' it's just that he stays in so long.
The only way to get him out is l. l. l. l. l. b. w.! '
In Italy they have no Christmas trees, instead they decorate small
wooden pyramids with fruit.
In Caracas, the capital city of Venezuela, it is customary for the
streets to be blocked off on Christmas eve so that the people can
roller-skate to church.
An artificial spider and web are often included in the decorations
on Ukrainian Christmas trees. A spider web found on Christmas
morning is believed to bring good luck.
It is a British Christmas tradition that a wish made while mixing
the Christmas pudding will come true only if the ingredients are
stirred in a clockwise direction.
A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a
pig prepared with mustard.
Sending red Christmas cards to anyone in Japan constitutes bad
etiquette, since funeral notices there are customarily printed in
red.
In Norway on Christmas Eve, all the brooms in the house are
hidden because long ago it was believed more...
What did the spider say when he broke his new web? Darn it!
What do you call a big irish spider? Paddy long legs!