Square Jokes / Recent Jokes
Four men, an Engineer, an Accountant, a Chemist and a Government Worker were bragging about how smart their dogs were.To show off, the Engineer called to his dog and said, "T-Square, do your stuff." T- square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff." Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff."Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. Then the three men turned to the Government Worker and said, more...
A few rules for what women can and cannot wear at a private pool.
1) Thongs are encouraged... however only if certain conditions are met.
1A) There must be a direct correlation to the amount of total square inches of skin, to the total amount of square inches of bathing suit. In other words, if you are any larger than a mini van, a string bikini should be frowned upon.
1B) Thongs or ass floss as they have been come to be known in pool and beach circles, should be worn as long as there is not more cellulite on your buttocks than in one of Mel Gibson's Epic type movies.
2) Women with near perfect figures, cannot wear one piece bathing suits... plain and simple. Damn, I know it's a sexist world, but it's the world that we live in.
3) Curlers are strictly verboten.
TEST: *** DO NOT SKIP AHEAD. Read this message ONE LINE AT A TIME and just do what it says. You will be glad you did. If not, you'll feel like an idiot and wish you had listened. ***
1) pick a number from 1-9 2) subtract 5 3) multiply by 3 4) square the number (multiply by the same number - not square root) and if it's negative make it positive. 5) add the digits until you get only one digit (i.e. 64=6 4= 10= 1 0=1) 6) if the number is less than 5, add five. Otherwise subtract
4. 7) multiply by 2 8) subtract 6 9) map the digit to a letter in the alphabet 1=A, 2=B, 3=C, etc... 10) pick a name of a country that begins with that letter 11) take the second letter in the country name and think of a mammal that begins with that letter 12) think of the color of that mammal
*** DO NOT SCROLL DOWN UNTIL YOU HAVE DONE ALL OF THE ABOVE
Here it comes, NO CHEATING or you'll be sorry...
You have a grey elephant from Denmark!
High School Math Exam
Name:_____________________
Gang:________________________
1. Duane has an AK47 with a 30 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots
and shoots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings
can he attempt before he has to reload?
2. If John has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Jimmy for
$320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the
balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?
3. Richard is pimping for 3 girls. If the price is $65 for each trick,
how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Richard can pay for his $800
per day crack habit?
4. Jacob wants to cut his 1/2 pound of Heroin to make 20% more profit.
How many ounces of cut will he need?
5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy and $100 for a
4x4. If he has stolen 2 BMW's and 3 4x4's, how many Chevy's will he have to steal
to make $800?
6. Robert is in prison for 6 more...
A patient goes to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist gives him a Rorschach Test; he shows the patient a circle with a dot inside it and asks, "What do you see?"
The patient replies, "Two people are having sex in the middle of a circular room."
The psychiatrist shows the patient another picture of a square with a dot inside it and asks, "What do you see?"
Patient answers, "Two people are having sex in a square room."
The psychiatrist shows the patient one more picture of a triangle with a dot outside it and asks, "What do you see now?"
Patient replies, "Doctor, are you some kind of pervert?!?"
A patient goes to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist gives him a Rorschach Test; he shows the patient a circle with a dot inside it and asks, "What do you see?"The patient replies, "Two people are having sex in the middle of a circular room."The psychiatrist shows the patient another picture of a square with a dot inside it and asks, "What do you see?"Patient answers, "Two people are having sex in a square room."The psychiatrist shows the patient one more picture of a triangle with a dot outside it and asks, "What do you see now?"Patient replies, "Doctor, are you some kind of pervert?!?"
Are you a wealthy and successful suit-and-tie yuppie businessman who has always had a secret dream that you would one day become a redneck?
Have you always wanted to be a Bubba, but didn't know how?
Is there an inner Cletus inside just hollering to get out?
Well, now you CAN be a redneck!
You will only have to purchase the following: one pair of overalls, one pack of chewing tobacco and six cases of beer. That's all you will need to start!
Caution: These instructions MUST be followed in your BUSINESS OFFICE.
1) You are a dignified, well-groomed yuppie executive with an important professional job; therefore, as you read this, it is assumed you are wearing a pair of well-polished $800 Brooks Brothers black dress shoes and silk socks, a $2,000 pinstriped Armani business suit tailored for you, a $150 silk necktie with matching pocket square and suspenders, a starched white shirt, monogrammed cufflinks, silver tiepin and a Rolex.
FIRST, untie and remove more...