Square Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many square dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four, and you have to walk them through it a few times.

By Hank Vorjes
VATICAN CITY (AP) - In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.
With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.
"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of people."
Through the MICROSOFT more...

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day carrying a bag of money She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money. They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165, 000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lad says, "I make bets". The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says, "for example, I'll bet you $25, 000 that your balls are square". "Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet". The old lady says,"So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25, 000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady says "OK, but since there is a lot of more...

TEST: * ****************************************************************** DO NOT SKIP AHEAD. Read this message ONE LINE AT A TIME and just do what it says. You will be glad you did. If not, you'll feel like an idiot and wish you had listened. * ******************************************************************1) pick a number from 1-92) subtract 53) multiply by 34) square the number (multiply by the same number -- not square root) and if it's negative make it positive. 5) add the digits until you get only one digit (i. e. 64=6 4= 10= 1 0=1)6) if the number is less than 5, add five. Otherwise subtract 4. 7) multiply by 28) subtract 69) map the digit to a letter in the alphabet 1=A, 2=B, 3=C, etc... 10) pick a name of a country that begins with that letter11) take the second letter in the country name and think of a mammal that begins with that letter12) think of the color of that mammal********************************************************************DO NOT SCROLL DOWN UNTIL YOU more...

An old lady, carrying a bag of money, entered the Bank of Canada and insisted on speaking with the bank president to open a savings account since, "It is a lot of money!"
After arguing back and forth with her, the bank staff finally showed her into the president's office. When he asked her how much she would like to deposit, she replied $175,000 and emptied the bag on his desk. Curious as to how she came by all this cash, he asked, "This is an awful lot of cash to be carrying around. Where did you get all this money?"
"I make bets," the old lady replied.
"What kind of bets?" asked the president.
"I'll give you an example," she said. "I will bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"What a stupid bet. You can't win that kind of bet," chuckled the president.
"Well, do you accept my bet?" challenged the old lady.
"Sure. I'll bet you $25,000 that my balls are not more...

A little old lady went into the headquarters of a large national bank one day, dragging a large bag behind her. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165, 000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25, 000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, more...

Cattle rustling is punishable by hanging. Horses are not to be housed within 50 feet of any road. Vagrancy is punishable by either 30 days in prison or a $201 fine. Columbus: The fine for waving a gun in public is higher than actually shooting it. Oxford: It is illegal to drive around the town square more than 100 times in a single session. Oxford: One may not spit on the sidewalks on the square. Oxford: Motor vehicles on the square are prohibited. Oxford: Horn honking is not permitted as it might scare horses. Tylertown: It is unlawful to shave in the center of main street.