Square Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why did the blonde's breasts look square? Because she forgot to take the kleenex out of the box.
There was a tour bus in Egypt that stopped in the middle of a town square. The tourists are all shopping at the little stands surrounding the square. One tourist looks at his watch, but it is broken, so he leans over to a local who is squatted down next to his camel. "What time is it, sir?"
The local reaches out and softly cups the camel's genitals in his hand, and raises them up and down. "It's about 2: 00", he says. The tourist can't believe what he just saw.
He runs back to the bus, and sure enough, it is 2: 00. He tells a few of the fellow tourists his story, "The man can tell the time by the weight of the camel's genitals!! One of the doubting tourists walks back to the local and asks him the time, the same thing happens!! It is 2: 05. p. m.
He runs back to tell the story. Finally, the bus driver wants to know how it is done. He walks over and asks the local how he knows the time from the camel's genitals. The local says "Sit down here more...
MicroSoft: Bids to Acquire Catholic Church
VATICAN CITY (AP) - In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.
With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.
"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of more...
New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg has announced that Bill and Hillary Clinton will have the honor of pushing the button that lowers the Times Square New Year's Eve Ball. According to CBS News, this year's ball "is double the size of previous balls and is covered in 2,668 Waterford Crystals...Organizers of the New Year’s Eve party say the bigger, brighter ball will remain in place all year atop the building at 1 Times Square to celebrate other holidays including Valentine’s Day, the Fourth of July and Halloween."
Imagine it - Bill in full glory! He’s used to lowering balls onto people’s faces, but only one person at a time. Tonight he’ll have a whole city looking up as his ball descends on them. And twice the size of most balls, naturally.
The honor is equally apropos for Hillary who, many have speculated over the years, has at least one ball. One presumes this won’t be the last ball dropped by the new secretary of state.
As for staying with us beyond New more...
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON more...
Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? What did cured ham actually have? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you? Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings more...
Paul Revere's horse galloped down the country road. The life of the colonies depended on his warning the people that the British were coming. He approached a farmhouse.
"Is your husband at home?" he called to the woman feeding chickens in the yard.
"He's back in the barn, Paul," she answered.
"Tell him to get his musket and go to the village square. The Redcoats are coining!"
The exchange of words had taken but an instant; Revere's horse had not broken its stride. The famous patriot thundered off towards the next farm.
"Is your husband at home?" Revere called to the woman in the doorway of the next farmhouse he approached.
"He's asleep in his room, Paul," she said.
"Tell him to get on his clothes," Revere cried.' The Minute Men are meeting at the village square. The British are coming!"
Horse and rider galloped on to still another home.
"Is your husband at home?" he more...