Starts Jokes / Recent Jokes

You've slept with Geraldo Rivera.
Arsenio touches your knee.
Even Richard Dawson won't kiss you.
Sheik offers you free shares in the company.
You become a Vaseline spokesperson.
Having two tampons in at the same time doesn't bother you.
The EPA comes looking for you.
You go through a Sealy (tm) a week.
Frederic actually comes to your door himself... just to see where 1/2 of his orders go.
When people say "Ho, Ho, Ho" and it's July.
When you don't know "What's his name?"
You have to go across the border for a Pap Smear.
You are the headquarters for the CDC.
Your baby looks familiar, but... like who?
When they change your # to 976.
Tetracycline is your best friend.
McDonald's calls you "The Happy Meal".
It takes 2 douches and a spatula at shower time.
Changing your sheets comes more than once a day.
When you've got a "Take a NUmber" machine at your door.
When they call more...

Everybody starts out with a full bag of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before the luck runs out.

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families.

Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God`s ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don`t you know who I am?" The man says, "Yep, sure do."

Satan says, "Well, aren`t you afraid of me?" The man says, "Nope, sure ain`t."

Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren`t you afraid of me?" The man says, "Well, I`ve been married to your sister for 25 years."

Sure fire signs that your cow has mad-cow disease... Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne. She refuses to let you milk her, saying "Not on the first date." Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears. Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder. Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body. Your cow demands to be branded with the' Golden Archs Logo'. Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred. Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows. Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King. She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia. Your cow joins the Hell's Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket. Your cow starts smoking its grass rather than eating it. Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting "MOO" backwards. Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding it Hershey bars. Your more...

Elle, Helena and Naomi were on their first plane flight together. In the middle of the flight, the pilot warns them of severe storms and the worst weather conditions and the possibility that the plane may crash. The girls were all anxious and thought their plane may crash.

They all rush to put their seat belts on and Elle is busy unbuttoning her blouse and showing her cleavage. Helena and Naomi look at her surprised and ask her what she is doing. Elle said, "Well, if the plane crashes and we go down, when the rescuers come, they will notice my lovely breasts and rescue me first."

Helena then gets out her compact and starts putting on her make up and brushes her hair. Elle and Naomi ask her what she's doing and say its a waste of time, especially since they are going to crash. Helena then said, "Well, when the plane crashes, we go down and the rescuers arrive, they will notice I am the most beautiful girl and they will rescue me more...

This chick walks into a doctor's office and the nurse tells her to take off her clothes and that the doctor will be with her in a minute, so she does.
The doctor walks in and take off his coat and starts to feel between her thighs. He asks "do you know what I'm doing now" and she replies "you're checking for menopause" and he says "very good".
Then he starts feeling her tits and he asks her "do you know what I'm doing now" and she says "checking for breast cancer" and he says "very good".
Then he jumps on her and starts rooting her and asks if she knows what he's doing now and she replies "contracting genital herpes cause that's why I came to see you"

This chick walks into a doctor's office and the nurse tells her to take off her clothes and that the doctor will be with her in a minute, so she does. The doctor walks in and take off his coat and starts to feel between her thighs. He asks "do you know what I'm doing now" and she replies "you're checking for menopause" and he says "very good". Then he starts feeling her tits and he asks her "do you know what I'm doing now" and she says "checking for breast cancer" and he says "very good".Then he jumps on her and starts rooting her and asks if she knows what he's doing now and she replies "contracting genital herpes cause that's why I came to see you"