Steps Jokes / Recent Jokes

Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in -one. Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop more...

Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up tothe tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and landsin the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto thegreen. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over thefairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. Theold man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing overthe fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it fallsinto the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As thefish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where alightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, theeagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops outof its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in -one. Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you dont stopfooling around, we more...

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
A2: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i. e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following more...

Finally a Barbie I can relate to! At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully.

These are a bit more realistic...

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-prin editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too -- muumuus with tummy-support panels are included.

5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on more...

What steps should you take if you see a dangerous animal on your travels? Very large ones.

In March, 1999 a man living in Kandos (near Mudgee in NSW) received a bill for his as yet unused gas line stating that he owed $0. 00. He ignored it and threw it away.
In April he received another bill and threw that one away too. The following month the gas company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his gas line if he didn't send them $0. 00 by return mail. He called them, talked to them, and they said it was a computer error and they would take care of it.
The following month he decided that it was about time that he tried out the troublesome gas line figuring that if there was usage on the account it would put an end to this ridiculous predicament. However, when he went to use the gas, it had been cut off.
He called the gas company who apologised for the computer error once again and said that they would take care of it. The next day he got a bill for $0. 00 stating that payment was now overdue. Assuming that having spoken to them the more...

We're off to see the wizard....

The last four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.

"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WIZARD OF OZ? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage."

"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?"

Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well..,Well.., Well.., I. .. think I need a brain".

"DONE" says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"

Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."

"I'VE HEARD ITS TRUE." says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."

Then there is a great silence in the hall. more...