Steps Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Englishman goes to Australia with his wife, they stay in a 5 star
hotel and hire a limo for the day. While driving along the road, his
wife asks, "Look! What is that man doing with that Kangaroo?"
The man says, "My God! Don't look, it's disgusting."
Further down the road the wife says, "Look, another one!" and
husband says,
"Disgusting! I shall report this when we get back to the hotel."
They arrive back at the hotel only to find a man with one wooden leg
having a wank on the steps of the hotel. The husband charges in and
says, "Look we come here in good faith, to stay in your 5 star hotel
and what happens? We are driving down the road and we come across a
drover in copulation with a kangaroo. Further on, recurrence of the
same thing. Then we get back here only to find a man with one leg,
ONE WOODEN LEG, masturbating on your steps. Well, what do you have
to say about more...

The world`s first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew.
The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats. The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the runway.
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen," a computer voice intoned. "Welcome to the debut of the world`s first fully computerized airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong... nothing can go wrong... nothing can go wrong

A guy goes in a bar and gets really drunk and starts to walk home. Every 2 steps he falls.
So he is 2 steps away from his doorway and he falls in. Then he tries to walk up the stairs quietly and get in bed.
In the morning his wife gets up before him and says "Were you drinking lastnight?"
He asks, "how did you know?"
She says "you left your wheelchair at the bar"

A REALLY Bad DaySo you think you're having a bad day. The following is taken from a Florida newspaper: A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife more...

God, Jesus and John the Baptist are playing golf up in heaven. On the first tee, JB leads off and hits a big blast right down the gut; it rolls to a stop about 270 yards out, perfect lie. Jesus steps up next and kills the ball, sending it about 300 yards straight away, perfect lie.
God steps up and waggles and wiggles and then badly hooks his ball into the trees. As it flies in, a huge oak is struck by lightning and splits, one half falling into the path of the oncoming ball and knocking it into the fairway. As it comes to a rest, a bare 50 yards out, a squirrel darts out of the woods on the other side and grabs the ball and takes off towards the left-side woods. Before he gets in, an eagle swoops down and grabs the squirrel, carrying it aloft down the fairway. Just as it passes over the green, the eagle is pelted by hailstones, whereupon it drops the squirrel (still clutching the ball) onto the green about three feet from the hole. Dazed, the squirrel spits the ball out where it more...

A haggard old lady was riding in a posh hotel's elevator. On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on, smelling divine. She says arrogantly to the old lady, ''Georgio, $100 an ounce''. On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on, smelling lovely as well. She turns to the two other women and says, ''Chanel, $150 an ounce.'' The old lady's floor is approaching and as the doors open, she looks at the two young ladies, bends over, farts and says, ''Broccoli, 49 cents a pound.''

One day an elephant steps on a mouse. The elephant says that he will do anything to make up for it. The mouse gets up and starts riding the old girl. Some chimps see it and throw the elephant with mango's. The elephant says :'Ouch!' And the mouse says: 'Take it all, bitch!'