Store Jokes / Recent Jokes

Judi was walking by the jewelry store one day in the midtown mall. She saw a diamond bracelet that she really liked. In the store she went.“Excuse me,” she said to the sales lady behind the counter, “Will a small deposit
hold that bracelet until my husband does something unforgivable?”

You Know You're From a Small Town When...
The "road hog" in front of you on Main Street is a farmer's combine.
The local phone book has only one yellow page.
Third Street is on the edge of town.
You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the cafe, and when you go back the next day, it's still there, on the same chair.
You don't signal turns because everyone knows where you're going, anyway.
No social events can be scheduled when the school gym floor is being varnished.
You call a wrong number and they supply you with the correct one.
Everyone knows all the news before it's published; they just read the hometown paper to see whether the publisher got it right.
The city limits signs are both on the same post!
The City jail is called amoeba, because it only has one cell.
The McDonalds only has one Golden Arch.
The one-block-long Main Street dead ends in both directions.
Second Street is in the next town more...

A farmer, upset with his low yield of eggs, decided to go to town to buy a fresh rooster who could liven things up a bit with his hens. The man at the supply store told him he wished he could help, but all he had was this incredible randy rooster.
"But that's just what I need!" the farmer said. The store owner said, "Not this rooster, he's trouble. I've never seen anything so horny." But the farmer insisted and eventually took the rooster home on the condition that he wouldn't ever return it.
Once home, the rooster jumped into the hen house and nailed every hen repeatedly until they were all exhausted and nearly dead. Undaunted, the rooster hopped the fence and got in with the ducks, repeating the scene with the hens and wiping out all the ducks. He then leaped another fence and proceeding to nail all the geese.
This continued for three days until all the farm birds that were left alive lay gasping. The farmer found the rooster prostrate in the middle more...

A young boy, about eight years old, walks into the localgrocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent.The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do."Nope, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog!""But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's verypowerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick.In fact, it might even kill him."But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergentto the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer stilltried to talk him out of washing his dog.About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy somecandy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing."Oh, he died," the boy said sadly.The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he wassorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to usethat detergent on your dog!""Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the more...

Q. One day a blonde walked into an electronics store and went to the cashier and asked "may I please buy that t.v. over there"and the cashier said "no because your blonde." So she went home and dyed her hair black and went back to the store and asked the cashier again if she could by the t.v. and he again said no because your blonde. she thought "how does he know I am blonde." so she went home and dyed her hair brown, and red and the same thing happened. she came back the next day with her hair blonde and asked the cashier how did you know that i was blonde when i dyed my hair all of those colors and the cashier said~~~ A. "because that is not a t.v. thats a microwave."

On a special teacher's day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shooked it, held it over her head, and said, "I bet I know what it is - flowers!"
"That's right!" said the boy, "but how did you know?"
"Just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shooked it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is - a box of candy!"
"That's right! But how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Just a lucky guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held the bag over her head and noticed that it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied.
The teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of the leakage to her more...

A man complained to his friend "My elbow hurts I better go to the doctor." "Don't do that," volunteered his friend "there's a new computer at the drug store that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you have to do is put in a urine sample, deposit $10, then the computer will give you your diagnosis and plan of treatment."
The man figured he had nothing to lose so he took a sample of urine down to the drug store. Finding the machine, he poured in the urine and deposited the $10. The machine began to buzz and various lights flashed on and off. After a short pause, a slip of paper popped out on which was printed:
You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water twice a day. Avoid heavy labor. Your elbow will be better in two weeks
That evening as the man contemplated this breakthrough in medical science, he began to suspect fraud. To test his theory he mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and more...