Store Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well", he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's THE night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack". The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person". He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist".

A lady was a huge Paul MCCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the inside of her thigh. She went to the parlour and told the guy what she wanted. He says: "OK, take your skirt and underwear off and sit in the chair with your legs apart". She did that and he started on the tattoo. Pretty soon he's done, blows off the dust and admires his work." Who the heck's that?" she says." It's Paul McCartney", he replies." Doesn't look like him at all" says she. "Now get it right or I'll report you". So the tattooist starts on the other thigh. Really trying hard to do a better job. Finally he's done, blows off the dust and feels pretty good. The woman is pissed off "No way that's Paul Mccartney" she says." It bloody well is" says the man. "Listen I'll get a second opinion"He goes out of his store and grabs the first person he sees. The guy is a drunk who's been stumbling along the sidewalk. The tattooist drags the more...

In front of a delicatessen, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery.
He strolled into the store and offered two dollars for the cat. "It's not for sale," said the proprietor.
"Look," said the collector, "that cat is dirty and undesirable, but I'm eccentric. I like cats that way. I'll raise my offer to ten dollars."
"It's a deal," said the proprietor, and pocketed the ten on the spot.
"For that sum I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the saucer," said the connoisseur. "The kitten seems so happy drinking from it."
"I won't do it," said the proprietor firmly.
"That's my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week I've sold 34 cats."

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

"Oh, no laundry," the boy said. "I'm going to wash my dog."

"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

"Oh, he died," the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that more...

A department store had to call off its special summer sale in August because of a conflict - its Christmas sale was beginning two days later.

Robert Johnson had been retired for a year when his wife of fifty years suggested one day, "Why don't we take a cruise for a week and make wild passionate love like we did when we were young?"He thought it over and agreed. Bob put on his hat and coat and went down to the corner drug store. He stepped up to the counter and asked for a bottle of seasick pills and a box of condoms.Upon returning home his wife greeted him at the door saying, "You know dear, I've been thinking it over. I see no reason why we couldn't manage a month-long cruise. so we could relax and make wild passionate love like we did when we were young."Bob smiled, turned around, and went back to the pharmacy. He stepped up and ordered 12 bottles of seasick pills and a dozen boxes of condoms. Upon returning back home, his wife met him on the porch with a big smile on her face. "Bob, I have a marvelous idea. You know, now that our children are all on their own, there's nothing to stop us from more...

A camel decided to educate his son who she suspected was getting a little inquisitive.
`Mum, why do we have two humps?` asked the son.
`That is so that we can go for days and weeks without water. We can store it in the humps.`
` Then why do we have very long eye lashes mum?`
`That,` he was told, `is to protect the eyes from the sand in a sand storm.`
`And why do we have bulbous looking feet?`
`That is so that we can travel twice as fast through the desert.`
`Mum,` wispered the young camel, "Now I can understand, humps to store water, long eye lashes to protect eyes from sand storm and bulbous looking feet to travell fast in the desert, then what the hell are we doing in this zoo?`