Street Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following is taken from a Florida newspaper:
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.
The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.
Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside.
Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the more...

Jerks by Patrick Hanifin (Reproduced without permission from the Humor Archives)
Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found
the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly
the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits.
After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided
to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jerk!" and hung
up.
Next to his phone number I wrote the word "Jerk," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of
weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and then
I'd more...

A blonde carpenter was fixing up some wooden window frames on a 50-story building. He was using an electric saw and accidentally cut one of his ears off. A guy was walking along the street below him so he called out, ''Hey, you on the street, can you see my ear down there?'' The guy on the street picks up an ear saying, ''Is this it?'' ''No,'' was the reply from the blonde carpenter, ''mine had a pencil behind it.''

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them "The first one who can use the words "liver" and "cheese" together in an imaginative, intelligent, sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular, black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."
"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever"
She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said, "How well can you do?"
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," more...

A young, single man, having no family, often ate at a restaurant in the center of the city of Chelm. He knew the owner Moishe and he ate there regularly. The only other restaurant in Chelm, Chaim's, was located directly across the street from Moishe's.
One day, the young man went to eat at Chaim's and when Moishe saw what happened, he was totally distraught. He said, "how can you not eat at my place? Are we not like family?" The young man replied that indeed they were.
Moishe asked,"Isn't my food good?" The young man replied that the food was delicious and that the portions were exceedingly generous. Moishe then asked, "so why did you go eat at Chaim's restaurant on the other side of the street?"
The young man replied that he had terrible toothache on his molar on the far left side of his mouth. He was told that the intinerant dentist would not be in town for another week. Therefore, the young man explained to Moishe, "I went to the Rabbi more...

Britain's outgoing Prime Minister Tony Blair will speak out against the execution of Saddam Hussein, calling the way it was carried out "completely wrong," officials at Downing Street told CNN.

President Bush responded by asking, "Does that mean Saddam is still alive?"

Late at night, a drunk was on his knees beneath a street-light, evidently looking for something.
A passer-by, being a good Samaritan, offered to help. “What is it you have lost? ” he asked.
”My watch, ” replied the drunk. “It fell off when I tripped over the pavement.”
The passer-by joined in the search but after a quarter of an hour, there was still no sign of the watch.
“Where exactly did you trip? ” asked the passer-by.
“About half a block up the street, ” replied the drunk.
“Then why are you looking for your watch here if you lost it half a block up the street? ”
The drunk said: “Because the light’s a lot better here. ”