Strong Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three ministers and their wives discovered that their vacations were all at the same time, so to save money, they decided to rent an RV and travel together. But on the second day out, they were in a terrible accident, and all six were killed. They came to the Pearly Gates of Heaven and were greeted by St. Peter. "I know you are all men of the cloth," said St. Peter, "but as a matter of protocol I need to look up your records." He punched a few keys on his computer and studied the screen. He looked at the first minister's record, and grimly shook his head. "I'm sorry. Our files say you lusted after alcohol, and though you never drank any, lust is just as bad as the deed itself. It says here your lust was so strong that you wouldn't get married until you met a woman named Sherry." Poof, the minister and his wife were banished to Hell. He checked the next minister's record. Again he shook his head and said, "I'm sorry. Our files say you lusted after more...
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.
-TWO NEW ADDITIONS TO THE PERIODIC TABLE OF ELEMENTS
1) Element Name: WOMANIUM
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)
Physical properties: Generally soft and round in form. Boils at nothing
and may freeze any time. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if not
used well. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses
strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food.
Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of
wealth. Probably the most powerful income-reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands!
2) Element Name: MANIUM
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of
shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult more...
Max Brown, a young father-to-be, was waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife was giving birth to their first baby. As he paced the floor, a nurse popped her head around the door.
"It's a boy, Mr. Brown," she said, "But we think you'd better go and have a cup of coffee because there might be another!"
Max turned a little pale and left. Some time later, he rang the hospital and was told he was the father of twins.
"But," the nurse went on, "We're sure there's another on the way. Ring back again in a little while."
At that, Max decided that coffee was not nearly strong enough. He ordered a few beers and rang the hospital again, only to be told a third baby had arrived and a fourth was imminent.
Whitefaced, he stumbled to the bar and ordered a double scotch. Twenty minutes later, he tried the phone again, but he was in such a state that he dialed the wrong number and got the recorded cricket score.
When more...
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot house four inches deep.2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with rollerblades, they can ignite.3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20X20 foot room.5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh", it's already too late.8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock, more...
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why dont you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a weeks wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you wont be able to wheel back." "Youre on, old man," the braggart replied. "Lets see what you got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."