Substitute Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.""Yeah what happened?" asked his friend.The first guy replies, "Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle."
This is the story of a different kind. No melting CPU's, no screaming
disc drives, just the kind of psychological torture that scars a man
for life.
I had a 9:00 meeting with my sales rep. I needed to buy an entire new
series 70, the works. He said it'd take about an hour. Three hours
later, we'd barely got the datacomm hardware down on paper, so he
invited me downstairs for lunch.
This was my first experience in an HP cafeteria. Above the service
counter was a menu which began...
MMU's (Main Menu Units)
0001A Burger. Includes sesame-seed bun.
Must order condiments 00110A separately
001Deletes seeds.
002 Expands burger to two patties.
00020A Double cheeseburger, preconfigured. Includes cheese,
bun and condiments.
001 Add-on bacon.
002 Delete second patty.
003 Replaces second patty with extra cheese.
00021A Burger Upgrade to Double Cheeseburger
001 From Single Burger.
002 From Double Burger.
003 more...
Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter"
The entire class says" Hello Mrs. Prussy" A few days later the regular teacher is still sick When Johny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.
Little Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher "I Remember it has an "R" after the first letter".
"That's right" she coaxed. Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says "Mrs. Crunt?"
It is parents evening and a young teacher is called away in an emergency just before she is due to see the last set of her pupil's parents for the evening.
So she asks one of the other teachers to fill in for her. The other teacher agrees but asks for some background information before she meets the parents.
" Who is the pupil? " the substitute teacher asks.
" Oh a lovely sweet little boy but he isn't that bright, can be a bit of a handful and seems more interested in play than work. "
" Right. " says the substitute teacher as she is writing notes and then also asks, " and the mother what about her? "
" Oh, she is a Korean lady, but unfortunately she thinks that her little boy is both an angel and a genius, so please be diplomatic when you talk with her, as she really got upset last time when I said I thought her son was probably not equipped for a future career in Medicine and that he might possibly have to consider an more...
A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard
she sees a message. It says,
"I'm Jimmy Poole,
got the biggest tool,
in the whole damn school!"
She yells, "Whose Jimmy Poole?"
This kid in the back stands up and says, "I'm Jimmy Poole."
"Well, Jimmy, your staying after school!
The very next day when the substitute teacher walks in, she looks
up at the blackboard and written on it, it says,
"It PAYS to ADVERTISE."