Success Jokes / Recent Jokes
So, this guy walks into a bar and tries without success to hit on several women. The bartender, who has been observing his lack of success, tells him "Your problem is that you don't have the right profession to impress these ladies. What you need to do is tell them that you have an upscale job, like a doctor or c.p.a. or lawyer. That's the kind of guy these women are looking for".
The guy takes his advice: "... and what do you do for a living?"
"Oh, well, I'm a lawyer."
"OOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhh"
And with the typical quickness of action that you find in jokes, the guy soon ends up in bed with his newfound lady friend. As their activity intensifies, our hero suddenly bursts out in laughter.
"What, what, I don't understand. What's so funny." she asked.
"I was just thinking. Here I've only been a lawyer for 3 hours, and already I'm screwing someone."
A man is in a garden, when a ladder comes down from the heavens. He hears an unearthly voice saying: "Climb the ladder to success". So he goes up, and after a while, there's a really ugly woman on a landing on the side of the ladder. She says to him: "Fuck me or climb the ladder to success." He thinks about it, but decides he rather have success.
He goes up, and sees two quite nice women sitting on a landing on the side. "Fuck us or climb the ladder to success." He thinks about it, but decides its not worth it.
He goes up again, and there are three really beautiful women on the next landing. "Fuck us or climb the ladder to success." He thinks about it, but realises that the women are getting much more beautiful, younger, and are increasing in number as he climbs the ladder. So he climbs the ladder, and reaches the top.
Theres a young man sitting there. "Hi, I'm Cess."
In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes. - Elizabeth Ashley
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus
No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. - Honore de Balzac
Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. - Ray Bandy
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. - Baskins
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. - Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame Inductions
Love: a temporary insanity often curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. - Ambrose Bierce
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - more...
Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.
They say success is ninety percent perspiration - you must be a tremendous success!
My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.
A new Hispanic restaurant has opened, and it’s a fantastic success among the Spanish-speaking community! The owners say that the success due to their "Mexican fortune cookie!"
It’s a folded tortilla with a green card inside!