Successful Jokes / Recent Jokes
Ole and Lena's bull took sick and died, so they needed to go to the auction to buy a new one. Ole had to get the crops in and couldn't leave the farm, so Lena took the train to the city to buy a bull. If she was successful, she would take the train back to the farm, then she and Ole would go to town with the truck to pick up their newly purchased bull.
The bidding was furious at the livestock auction, and Lena found herself bidding on the last remaining bull. It took everything she had but ten cents, but she was finally the successful bidder.
Unfortunately, the train home was fifty cents. "Please, Mr. Conductor, couldn't you make an exception just once?" pleaded Lena. "Sorry lady," he replied, "but you can send your husband a telegram to tell him your problem. The office is just down the street."
At the Telegraph office, Lena asked, "Mister, how many vords can I send to my husband for a dime?" "It's ten cents a word," more...
Q: What's the definition of a successful musician?
A: One whose spouse has TWO jobs.
For the Male...
AGE DRINK
17 beer
25 bourbon
35 vodka
48 double vodka
66 Maalox
AGE SEDUCTION LINE
17 My parents are away for the weekend.
25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48 My wife is away for the weekend.
66 My second wife is dead.
AGE FAVORITE SPORT
17 sex
25 sex
35 sex
48 sex
66 napping
AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 "tongue"
25 "breakfast"
35 "She didn't set back my therapy."
48 "I didn't have to meet her kids."
66 "Got home alive."
AGE FAVORITE FANTASY
17 getting to third
25 airplane sex
35 menage a trios
48 taking the company public
66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 25
25 35
35 48
48 66
66 17
AGE IDEAL more...
>A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
>A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. >
>A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. >A man never
worries about the future until he gets a wife. >
>A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
>A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
>
>To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a
little.. >To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to
understand her >at all.
>
>Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot
more >willing to die.
>
>Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two
people >remembering the same thing.
>
>Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. >Women somehow
deteriorate during the night.
>
>A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. >A man
marries a more...
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.
Marriage is a three ring circus:
---engagement ring
---wedding ring
---suffering
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Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After
marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
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When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
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My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got
two girlfriends.
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A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives.
In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
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A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he more...
The Difference...
Women have more imagination than men do. They need it to tell us how wonderful we are.
Women have their faults. Men have only two. Everything they say. Everything they do.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
The Style...
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't want.
The Workplace...
When a man gives his opinion, he's a man. When a woman gives her opinions, she's a bitch.
Women are the only exploited group in history who has been idealized into powerlessness.
Relationships...
Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs more...