Suddenly Jokes / Recent Jokes
body: A traveling salesman visits a small town in the Midwest and sees a circus banner reading: "Don't Miss The Amazing Italian." Curious, he buys a ticket.
The tent goes dark. Suddenly, trumpets blare and all eyes turn to the center ring. There, spot lit in the center ring is table with three walnuts on it.
Standing next to it is an old retired Italian. Suddenly the old man unzips his pants, whips out a huge penis and smashes all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupts in applause as the elderly Italian is carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.
Ten years later the salesman visits the same little town and he sees a faded sign for the same circus and the same: "Don't Miss the Amazing Italian." He can't believe the old guy is still alive much less still doing his act! So he buys a ticket.
Again, the center ring is illuminated. This time, instead of walnuts, three coconuts are placed on the table. The Italian stands before more...
Back in the cowboy days, a wagon train is lost and low on food. No other humans had been seen for days. Suddenly, they see an old Jewish man sitting beneath a tree. The leader rushes to him and says, "We're lost and running out of food. Is there someplace ahead where we can get something to eat?"
"Vell," replies the old man, "I vouldn't go up dat hill und down other side. Somevun told me you'll run into a big bacon tree."
"A bacon tree?" the wagon leader asks.
"Yah, ah bacon tree. Trust me. For nuttin vud I lie," says the old man.
The leader returns to his people and tells them that they might be able to find food on the other side of the next ridge. "Then why did the old man say not to go there?" some of the pioneers ask.
"Oh, you know that Jewish people don't eat bacon," the leader explains.
So, the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side. Suddenly, Indians attack and massacre more...
An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you as soon as possible. Please share this with others immediately!!
Monica Lewinsky virus…….. Sucks all the memory out of your computer.
Lorena Bobbit virus………. Turns your hard disk into a 3. 5 inch floppy.
Ellen Degeneres virus…….. Your IBM suddenly claims it’s a MAC.
Titanic virus……………. Makes your whole computer go down.
Disney virus…………….. Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
Mike Tyson virus…………. Quits after one byte.
Prozac virus……. Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn’t care.
Woody Allen virus………By-passes the motherboard and turns on daughter card.
Joey Buttafuoco virus…….. Only attacks minor files.
Spice Girl virus…………. Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.
Ronald Reagan virus………. Saves your data, but forgets
Dr. Kevorkian more...
BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk, then reattaches it. Unfortunately, the area is permanently disabled.
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80 MB, and then slowly expands back to 200 MB.
AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T Virus.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack - once if by LAN, twice if by C:>.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a consultant about possible alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn more...
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts,' 'Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly the brunette yells,' 'EARTHQUAKE!!!'' Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes. The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts,' 'Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly the redhead yells,' 'TORNADO!!!'' Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes. By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! Aim!'' and the blonde yells,' 'FIRE!!!'''
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny Billy?"
"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."
Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks."
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser more...
A sardar boarded a train. Suddenly he felt a necessity to use the toilet. He entered the toilet and saw his reflection in the mirror, which was right opposite the door. Thinking it to be another sardar, he excused himself, and went to wait outside. When after some time he re-entered the toilet, he saw the same sardar again, seeing this, he again excused himself.
This went on for about an hour, and now sardarji were in great trouble, suddenly he saw a sardar TTC, and he thanked god for his help, and went to the TTC. He told the TTC his trouble. TTC assured him that he would do all he could to help a fellow sardar, and entered the toilet.Then he came back and told the sardar, Sorry, can't help you. He is a staff member!