Summertime Jokes

You know you are in Arizona in the summertime when: The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly. You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron. The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly. You discover that it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car. You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?" You realize that asphalt has a liquid state. The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground. Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs. The cows are giving evaporated milk.

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Summertime!
Summertime who?
Summertime you can be a big pest!

It was summertime, and, to keep his dullard of a son out of trouble, Mr. Petrich gave him five dollars and sent him on a wild goose chase. "Take this," he said, "and buy me as much what's what as you can."
Nodding obediently, the young man set off. Since he had no mortal foggy notion what he was looking for, he figured it might be a food and stopped at the grocery store.
"Excuse me," he said to a clerk, "but I'd like to buy what's what."
Sensing that the boy was a real rube, the clerk decided to have some fun with him. Pointing across the street to a house with a red light, he said, "Fellah, you'll find what you're looking for there."
Thanking him and hustling over, the boy rang the bell. Much to his surprise, a volupruouj woman opened the door. She was naked, andjl as he had never seen a woman's privates befbregf he stammered, "G-Gee, what's th-that?"
"What's what?" she asked.
The boy more...