Suspect Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here are some people who should not be allowed to venture into society: Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits. A bus carrying five more...

1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
2. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
3. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
4. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
5. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
6. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8. Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
9. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
10. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
11. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms
12. Eye Drops Off Shelf
13. Teachers Strike Idle Kids
14. Clinton Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
15. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Axe
16. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
17. Miners Refuse To Work After Death
18. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
19. Stolen Painting Found By Tree
20. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter
21. Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 more...

Three idiots try out for a job to be a detective. The trainer they have pulls out a picture. He asks them each separately, "How would you recognize this suspect?"

The 1st idiot says "He only has 1 eye"

So the trainer says "it's a profile."

Frustrated, he moves along to the 2nd one and he said, "how would you recognize this suspect?"

The idiot says "he only has one ear."

Even more frustrated he yells at her and says "its a profile!"

He goes to the 3rd idiot and once again he asks, "How would you recognize this suspect?"

The idiot answers "he wears contact lenses."

The amazed trainer goes and checks the computer database. He returns 5 minutes later and says, "wow! he does where contact lenses, how did you know that?"

The idiot replies, "he can't wear normal glasses silly, he only has one ear"

A policeman interrogates three blondes who are training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? ”
The first blonde answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye! ”
The policeman says, “Well, uh, thats because the picture shows his profile. ”
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks her, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? ”
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear! ”
The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two?! Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it’s a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with? ”
Extremely frustrated at more...

58 Actual Newspaper Headlines(collected by journalists)1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents6. Farmer Bill Dies in House7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? 9. Stud Tires Out10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms15. Eye Drops off Shelf16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 6620. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree25. Two Soviet Ships more...

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect. Easy, she replied. He only has one eye. The chief was stunned. He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it! He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him. He only has one ear, was her answer. What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side! He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer. After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, He`s wearing contact lenses. This took the chief by surprise. He looked real hard at the picture and couldn`t more...

A policeman was testing 3 brothers who were training to become detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first one a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first one answers, "That`s easy; we`ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well... uh... that`s because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second one and asks him, "This is your suspect, and how would you recognize him?"

The second one smiles and says, "Ha! He`d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds,
"What`s the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it`s a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up more...