Sweet Jokes / Recent Jokes
Redneck's Ode to a ValentineKudzu is green. My Dog's name is Blue. And I'm so danged lucky to have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like cornsilk, A-flappin' in the breeze. Softer than Blue's And without all them fleas. You move like the bass which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales But I luv you anyway. Yo're as graceful as okry jist a-dancin' in the pan. Yore as fragrant as Mountain Dew Right out of the can. You have all yore teeth For which I am proud. I hold my head high When we's in a crowd. On special occasions, When you shave yore armpits, Well I'm in hawg heaven. I'm plumb out of my wits. And speakin' of wits, You got plenty fer shore. 'Cuz you are my woman. I can't ask fer more. Like a good roll of Duct Tape Yo're there for yore man To patch up life's toubles And stick 'em in the can. Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler Racin' through the mud. Yet fragile as that singer Named Naomi Judd. Yo're as cute as a Junebug A-buzzin' overhead. You ain't mean like no far ant On more...
Biology Class In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (FRESHMAN) raised her hand and asked, "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar in male semen?" "That's correct", responded the professor, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?" After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class... and never returned. However, as she was going out the door, the Professor's reply was classic... Totally straight-faced he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat."
A woman went to a sweet store to buy some sweets. The boy behind the counter said "Gosh, your ugly aren't you?, I've never seen anyone so hideous as you before" "Young man" she replied. " I didn't come here to be insulted" "Really", he said, "Where do you usually go? "
For those of you that remember the old Mitch Miller song "Sweet Violets" This is a crude take off on it... (p.s. - this is similar to Gizzers 'Sweet Violets' #604 but different, funnier and possibly cruder!)
There was a young farmer who lived on a rock
He liked to count sheep while he fingered his...
Marbles and toys as in days of old yore
And for a companion he had a young...
Maiden whose passion was playing with dolls
She told him she wanted to nuzzle his...
Sweet violets
Sweeter than the roses
Covered all over from head to toe
In sweet violets
The farmer was pleased with all of his luck
She claimed that she'd show him a new way to...
Bring up the children and teach them to knit
While the boys in the barnyard were shoveling...
Hay from the stables and filling the rick
He told her he'd let her grab hold of his...
Long middle finger which had a slight rash
To soothe it he jammed it right into more...
George and Harriet were married twenty-five years. They decided to
celebrate with a trip to Las Vegas.
When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young
woman dressed in a very short skirt, became very friendly. George
brushed her off rather rudely. Harriet objected, "George, she was
nice, that young woman, and you were so rude."
"Harriet, she's a prostitute."
"I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?
"Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it." In their room, George
called down to the desk and asked for Bambi to come to room 1217.
"Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just
enough to hear us, okay?" She did. Soon, there was a knock on the
door. George opened it and Bambi walked in, swirling her hips
provocatively.
"So, I see you're interested after all," she more...