Tastes Jokes / Recent Jokes

36 things you'll never hear from a Redneck... 1. "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"2. "Duct tape won't fix that." 3. "Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken." 4. "We don't keep firearms in this house." 5. "You can't feed that to the dog." 6. "I thought Graceland was tacky." 7. "No kids in the back of the pick-up... it's not safe." 8. "Professional wresslin's fake." 9. "Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?" 10. "We're vegetarians." 11. "Do you think my hair is too big?" 12. "I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy." 13. "Honey, these bonsai trees need watering." 14. "I don't understand the appeal of NASCAR." 15. "Give me the small bag of pork rinds." 16. "Deer heads detract from the decor." 17. "Spitting is such a nasty habit." 18. "I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart more...

Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt. Spouse #2: That`s not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.

The owner of an apple orchard invited a local patent office representative to visit his orchard so he could apply for a patent on some of his hybrid apples. The patent officer informed the man that a patent could not be issued for apples, because hybrid or not, they were God's creation. The farmer said, "Yeah, but once you've seen and tasted my apples I'm sure you'll change your mind."
The farmer took the patent officer to one of his trees and told him to pick an apple from the tree and taste it. The patent officer picked an apple, tasted it and exclaimed, "Wow, that tastes just like an orange!" The farmer said, "Now turn it over and take a bite." The patent officer did just that and exclaimed, "Wow, this side tastes just like a banana!" The farmer said, "Now you see why I want this patented. I've developed this breed of apple scientifically."
The patent officer remained firm, that an apple or any other fruit is not eligible more...

WHAT TASTES GOOD ON PIZZA BUT NOT ON PUSSY?
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.. CRUST!!!

Things Never Said By a Redneck...
1. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
2. Trim the fat off that steak.
3. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
4. The tires on that truck are too big.
5. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
6. I've got it all on the C drive.
7. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
8. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
9. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
10. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

My karma ran over your dogma.
I brake for... wait... AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!
A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.
I'm not driving fast-just flying low.
Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.
My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
"I is a college student."
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Life is too complicated in the morning.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography
Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
My wife said "If you go hunting or fishing one more time I'm going to leave you". .. I'm sure going to miss her.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
Today's subliminal message is: ( )
I love animals, they more...