Technical Jokes / Recent Jokes
Schemmer’s Law (Organization & Programs): When an organization faces a 20 year threat, it responds with 15-year programs, organized with 5-year plans, managed by 3-year directors, and funded by 1-year appropriations.
Simmons’s Law: The desire for racial integration increases with the square of the distance from the actual event.
SNAFU Equations: 1) Given any problem containing N equations, there will be N+1 unknowns. 2) An object or bit of information most needed will be least available. 3) Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible. 4) Interchangeable devices won’t. 5) In any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else. 6) Badness comes in waves.
Thoreau’s Theories Of Adaptation: 1) After months of training and you finally understand all of a program’s commands, a revised version of the program arrives with an all-new command more...
What if Dr. Seuss was a technical writer? Here are several examples of what he may write to help you resolve your computer problems.
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted `cause the index doesn`t hash, Then your situation`s hopeless, and your system`s gonna crash!
If the above doesn`t help with your computer troubles, perhaps this will.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, That`s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss So more...
Are you a tehcnical geek?
Do you have a problem with overdoing your technical activities? Many do. Take the following test to see if you are compulsive. If you can relate to 2 of the items, you may have a problem with Techno-Dweeb. If you relate to 3 or more, you are definitely a Techno-Dweeb. Do not despair! There is help! You are not alone! Whenever you feel the urge to code in Assembler, call the number in the white pages of your phone book, and we will send somebody right over to cut out paper dolls with you until the feeling passes.
You know you are a tehcnical geek when. . .
When your friend tells you all about his Cressida V6 and you reply "Yeah, I had V5, and it was full of bugs!"
When driving you see a license plate with the letters DSR, and you feel compelled to touch your bumper to the other car to see if you can raise CD.
When you are counting objects "0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, A, B, C, D...".
When you more...
A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught ajudge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. Heasked if they had a license and, when they didn't, sent them off to getone. They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, and got thelicense from him. When they got back to the judge, he pointed out theyhad filled the names in backwards - his where hers belonged and viceversa. They rushed back to the clerk's office, caught him again, and gotanother license. This time, the judge noticed that the clerk had filled in the date inthe wrong format. Again they catch the clerk... After five reissuedlicenses, the judge is finally satisfied. Judge: "I hope you appreciate why I made you keep going back. If thereare irregularities in the license, your marriage would not be legal, andany children you might have would be technical bastards." Groom: "That's funny - that's just what the clerk called you."
Q: How many technical writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.
Technical talk is often difficult to understand by people not initiated in the technical arts. Listed below are some terms that are used commonly by technicians, and an explanation of what they actually mean:
STUFFED. ..
A description of an item of equipment indicating that it does not work quite as well as when it was new. This situation is not expected to change in the near future.
FUCKED. ..
Terminally stuffed.
FUCK ME DEAD. ..
A technical expression meaning that after you have totally stripped an assembly you didn't really need to, you have read the manual to discover a major warning in bold type saying never to touch that part under any circumstances whatsoever, as it requires factory (overseas) realignment.
FUCK IT ALL. ..
An expression that follows the tinging sound of a miniature spring or circlip bouncing off something on the other side of the room. Unfortunately, you didn't see where it came from, where it went more...
A Night Before Christmas Parody (Technical Version)'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Musmusculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas. The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion more...