Test Jokes / Recent Jokes
50 things to do at Walmart
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvin ball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to deuls with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially down thin narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volume up to 10!
12. Play with the automatic more...
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of
her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry
answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the
third -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in
the third-grade too!"
Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to
the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if
he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the
first-grade and behave.
She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him
and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought more...
Alzheimers' Eye Test
Count every " F " in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
How many " Fs " really?
Don't scroll down yet. Count the " Fs ".
Wrong! There are 6 -- no joke. READ IT AGAIN!
Go Back and try to find the 6 F's before I give you the next clue..
OK, now the hidden part.
The brain cannot process " OF ".
Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!
Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.
Three is normal, four is quite rare.
I got a three on first count.
Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.
Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U. S. scientists for suggestions. NASA's response was just one sentence, "THAW THE CHICKEN!"
There was a blonde driving a ferrari. A cop pulls her over forspeeding, the cop asks," can I see your license and registrationplease!"The blonde responds, "license and registration what is that?"The cop respnds," you will find your license in your purse andregistration in your glove compartment."The cop gets the license and registration and goes back to the car, and he calls dispatcher and reports it. The dispatcher replies,"this wouldnt be a blonde in a ferrari would it?" The cop replies,"yes it is." The dispatcher says, "go back to her car and drop yourpants."The cop responds back,"I cant do that!" The dispatcher says, "trustme, just do it!" then the cop replies,"ok whatever you say!"So he walks back to her car, and drops his pants. The blonde turnsaround and says, "oh no, not another breathalizer test!"
Three young candidates for the priesthood are told by the Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy Test.
The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.
In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate.
*Ting-a-ling*
"Oh, Patrick," says the Monsignor, "I am so disappointed in your lack of control. Go take a long, cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness." The candidate leaves.
The dancer continues, dancing around the second candidate, slowly peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil drops:
*Ting-a-ling*
"Joseph, Joseph,"sighs the Monsignor. "You too are unable to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness."
The dancer continues, dancing naked in front of the final candidate. Nothing. She writhes up and down more...