Thought Jokes / Recent Jokes
Here are a few things to think about that you probably have never thought about;
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on more...
The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today's lesson.
"I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let's begin. A"
All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would give her a word like 'ass' or 'asshole'. She picked Wendy, and Wendy said "apple".
"Very good", said the teacher, "now B".
Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said "ball".
This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter and the teacher knowing there was a dirty word for it. Then she got to "R". Nobody but Johnny had their hands up.
The teacher thought and thought and couldn't think of a bad word that started with "R". So she picked Johnny.
Johnny more...
"Terrorist training camps looked a lot nicer in the brochure"
"I didn't join the Taliban, I was interning for the Taliban"
"I lost a Super Bowl bet"
"Dazzled by the Taliban commercials that aired during one of Kathie Lee's Ramadan specials"
"What kid doesn't grow up dreaming of being the next Mullah Omar?"
"Al Qaeda? Oh man, I thought I was fighting for Ralph Nader"
"Since when is fighting against your country with an evil terrorist regime considered treason?"
"Got tired of wearing clean clothes and not getting shot at"
"Like you've never joined an international terrorist ring!"
"Oh, I thought this was a paintball game"
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A swedish man was bored. He was bored with his work, bored with his life ingeneral. He felt as there was nothing waiting for him in this life.... .. until one day, in the breakfast table, he was reading the morning paper, when he saw an article, which would change his life. It said: "... Scientist's had found out, that somewhere in Africa, one could stillfind tribes of genuine cavemen, untouched by civilization. Only thingneeded was to find the correct cave and shout "Wohoo!!" and the tribe wouldanswer to this call." "This is it!" the swede thought. "This is what I've been waiting for! I'llsell everything I own, go to Africa, find these cavemen, and become richand famous!"And so he did. He sells everything, moves to Africa and starts looking forthe tribe. But cave after cave after cave, no answer. No cavemen. Until one day, yet another cave, and another yell: "Juhuuu!!" And then heheard it! " WWOOOOUU WOOOOOO! !!! " more...
The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today's lesson."I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let's begin. A"All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would give her a word like 'ass' or 'asshole'. She picked Wendy, and Wendy said "apple"."Very good", said the teacher, "now B".Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said "ball".This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter and the teacher knowing there was a dirty word for it. Then she got to "R". Nobody but Johnny had their hands up.The teacher thought and thought and couldn't think of a bad word that started with "R". So she picked Johnny.Johnny stands up and says: "R...Rat...a more...
A man had called a local paint company and asked if they had anyone who could come over and do some painting that day. The company sent a blonde right over to do the job. The man meet the woman at the front door and asked her how much she would charge him to paint his porch. She stated that she would charge him 25$. He thought to himself "what a deal" since his porch was a long wrap around. The blonde also added that she would be done by the end of the day. The man thought to himself, "this is too good to be true!" and left for work for the day. When he arrived home he noticed that his porch didn't even have a drop of paint on it. He went around the back and shrieked in horror as he seen the blonde putting the last bit of green paint on his new firebird.
"what did you do to my firebird!" shrieked the man.
"....Firebird?"
questioned the blonde.
"...and all this time I thought it was the porsche"