Threats Jokes

Redneck Threats:
- I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtalk style.
- This'll jar your preserves.
- Don't you be making' me open a can o' whoop-ass on yaw!

This really happened (honest!)
A man was receiving death threats from another man, so he took him to court. The judge threw the case out on the basis that "the threats obviously hadn't been carried out."
Really, how stupid can you get?