Throat Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Sit on sofa. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your elbow as though you were going to give a bottle to a baby. Talk softly to it.


2. With right hand, position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. (be patient) As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. Drop pill into mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.


3. Pick the pill up off the floor and go get the cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. Sit on floor in kitchen, wrap arm around cat as before, drop pill in mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.


4. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Scoot across floor to pick up pill, and go find the cat. Bring it back into the kitchen. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws more...

This was during my college days. It was quite late at night and I was preparing to go to bed in my room. It was then that I realised that my sore throat had worsened. Infact I had almost lost my voice - it had become quite husky.
My classmate suggested that I go and see the doctor at home as the college medical centre would be closed at this hour.
I liked the idea and went down to the doctor's house. I rang the bell and the door was opened by his wife.
I asked, obviously in my husky voice, "Is the doctor home?".
To which the wife replied, and in a HUSKY voice "No... come in, come in..."

Mark rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his
name on the group mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady
comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.
Mark smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation
with him. As they talk, her robe slips open and it is quite obvious
that she has nothing on under the robe. Poor Mark breaks out into a
sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places
her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go in my apartment, I hear someone
coming. . . "
He proceeds with her into the apartment and after she closes the door,
she leans against it allowing her robe to fall completely open. She
purrs at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"
The flustered, embarrassed Mark stammers, clears his throat several
times and finally squeaks out, "Oh, it's got to be your ears!"
She's astounded! more...

A man comes to an Italian doctor because of sore throat. The doctor tells him to pull down his pants and to swing his genitals in the window.
"What does this have to do with my throat?"
"Nothing, I just hate the neighbors!"

A man comes to an Italian doctor because of sore throat. The doctor tells him to pull down his pants and to swing his genitals in the window."What does this have to do with my throat?""Nothing, I just hate the neighbors!"

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O'Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on afternoon, his cousin walked by."What are ye doing?" asked O'Bannon."Fishin'," said MacAndrews."Caught anything?""Ach, nae a bite,""What are ye usin' fer bait?""Worms""Let me see it," said O'Bannon.MacAndrews lifted the line from the water and handed it to his cousin. O'Bannon took out his flask of potcheen and dipped the worm in it. He handed it back to MacAndrews, who cast his line once more. As soon as the worm hit the water, his rod bent over double, the line screaming out."Have ye got a bite?" asked O'Bannon."No!" shouted MacAndrews, fighting with the rod, "The worm's got a salmon by the throat!"