Ticket Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery.
He goes to Delhi to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
The Sardar says, "I want my 20 lakhs.
The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you one lakh
today and then you'll get the rest spread
out for the next 19 weeks."
The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want
it."
Again, the man explained that he would only get a lakh that day and the rest
during the next 19 weeks.
The Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If
you're not going to give me my 20 lakhs right
now, then I want my five rupees back!"
The collector asked& David for his rail ticket.& David searched his pockets but could not find it. `Never mind,` reassured the collector, ` I will take your word that you bought your ticket.` `That is very kind of you,` replied David, `but if I don`t find it, I want to know where to get off.`
A guy with a black eye walks into a bar and sits down. He looks over at the guy next to him who also has a black eye and they both laugh. One guy says, I got mine with a slip of the tongue. I went to the train station ticket window to get a ticket and their was this beautiful, large breasted woman sitting there. I said I would like a pickett too tittsburg and she punched me in the eye.
The other guy said, I got mine with a slip of the tongue too. At breakfast instead of asking my wife to pass the cheerios I said you ruined my life you fat bitch!
A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Delhi to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
The Sardar says, "I want my 20 lakhs.
The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you one lakh today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 weeks."
The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explained that he would only get a lakh that day and the rest during the next 19 weeks.
The Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my 20 lakhs right now, then I want my five rupees back!"
A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million." The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years." The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it." Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"
The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"Just how big were those two beers?
"Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O. K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a more...
Three economists and three mathematicians were going for a trip by train. Before the journey, the mathematicians bought 3 tickets but economists only bought one. The mathematicians were glad their stupid colleagues were going to pay a fine. However, when the conductor was approaching their compartment, all three economists went to the nearest toilet. The conductor, noticing that somebody was in the toilet, knocked on the door. In reply he saw a hand with one ticket. He checked it and the economists saved 2/3 of the ticket price.
The next day, the mathematicians decided to use the same strategy- they bought only one ticket, but economists did not buy tickets at all! When the mathematicians saw the conductor, they hid in the toilet, and when they heard knocking they handed in the ticket. They did not get it back.
Why? The economists took it and went to the other toilet.